A friend in sickness or health

<p>I just returned from a second trip to the coast, taking yet another friend on her first long outing after having surgery. Her physical healing is progressing well, but her spirit needed to see the ocean.</p><p>Outings like this remind me that maintaining and restoring good health is a community effort. Anyone recovering from an injury or an illness needs some extra help, but we are often clueless about how to offer it. What is too much and what is too little? Is dropping off a casserole enough?</p><p>Patients are being discharged from the hospital earlier than ever, and they need more help when they get home than they may have anticipated. The cost of home nursing is often prohibitive and it falls to family and friends to fill this need.</p><p>If skilled nursing is necessary, a visiting nurse should be hired, but if the need is for assistance with basic activities for a few days, friends can be invaluable. This is usually more than a spouse or partner can handle alone. Showering, changing bed linens, fixing food and cleaning house are essential support for someone trying to heal from a medical crisis. Just being in the home while they sleep can give patients the sense of security they need to rest.</p><p>If you are the patient, setting up a schedule for assistance is an excellent way to make sure you have what you need. Half-day sessions are ideal, so when someone calls and says, "What can I do?" you have the ready answer: "Thursday morning from 9 to 12; please bring a book to read!" But don't necessarily wait for others to call. Get on the phone and call your friends and family with a schedule in hand. Try to set most of this up before you are desperate; it's much easier that way. You will be surprised how eager people are to help out if given a specific time and guidelines.</p><p>If you are the helper, consider the specific situation for your recovering friend. If he or she has difficulty walking, don't leave food in the kitchen where it is not accessible. A portable cooler by the bed can hold cool drinks and sandwiches for independent lunches. If you know your friend is especially bothered by dirty dishes, do a load while you visit. Is your friend unable to admit to fatigue? Encourage her to nap while you clean the kitchen for her. Is he scared to start moving? Take him for a short walk that will build confidence but not overtire him.</p><p>Don't ignore the spouse or partner, who is expected to be there 24/7 to help. Give them some respite time and acknowledge how difficult it is to be the primary support. Sending them for a fun outing will allow them to return refreshed and ready to resume the responsibilities of caring for their wounded partner. This will be greatly appreciated by everyone involved.</p><p>Supporting each other through a serious illness or a surgery is important, but many of us are not very good at it. Don't assume your "real friends" will know how to come to your aid in times of medical crisis. If they've never been there, they don't know how to be of help.</p><p>A brief visit to read a short story out loud, a pizza-and-DVD evening, or a cup of tea over conversation about life among the healthy - any one of these can speed the healing of those you love. It doesn't take much, but the return is great. As we all age, these community efforts to take care of each other become an essential part of our health care system.</p>