Slain mom hid trouble with son, friends say

Connie LaSalle finally had it with her only child.

The retired Exchange Bank employee, who'd been supporting Chris Lavis in his up-and-down battles with drug addiction for years, recently informed him he no longer was welcome at her Stony Point Road condominium.

"He was draining her of all her money. She couldn't keep paying his rent," said Carol Mark of Oakland, LaSalle's half-sister.

Police discovered LaSalle's body wrapped in blankets inside the condo Sept. 27. The 63-year-old woman had been stabbed multiple times.

Lavis, in the meantime, is being sought by authorities on suspicion of murder. The 41-year-old unemployed computer technician has contacted several acquaintances since his mother's body was found but as of Tuesday had yet to get in touch with police, who consider him armed and dangerous.

The case is likely to send a shudder through every parent who has tried to help a child in crisis, only to discover that good intentions are not always good enough.

It also underscores the lengths to which some families will go to conceal problems with a loved one, making it difficult for friends and family members to spot trouble and perhaps intervene.

Even LaSalle's best friend of 40 years said she was unaware of the extent to which she was having issues with her son.

"Connie was very protective of Chris, to the point where she probably didn't want my family to think badly of him, hoping he would straighten up his act," said the friend, who asked not to be identified out of concern for her family's safety. "That part of his life we weren't cognizant of."

Friends described LaSalle as sweet and caring and said there was nothing she wouldn't do to help her son.

"She supported whatever Chris did 100 percent," said Jim Garrity, a close friend of Lavis. "When Chris came up lacking, she made excuses. She paid bills. She went out of her way, sometimes even when it was not in her best interest, to look after her son."

The pair appeared to have a good relationship. Friends recalled seeing them together at her work parties or at the former Old Vic on Fourth Street, where Lavis acted in small theatrical productions. They also made frequent trips to Disneyland.

"I've known Chris since he was a little boy, and we've loved him like one of our own, up until this happened," the longtime friend of LaSalle's said. "I wish they could find him so I can could ask, 'Why?' "

Authorities have not disclosed the evidence they believe links Lavis to the killing.

LaSalle was enjoying her modest retirement after working until 2005 as an operations specialist for Exchange Bank. The job, which she held 19 years, entailed working in the back office of the operations center on Aviation Boulevard.

"I never knew of any problems at all, and I knew her for eight years," said a former co-worker. "I met him (Lavis) on a few occasions, and he was always nice. That's why it's so hard to believe that something like this happened."

Every morning, LaSalle arrived at work by 5 a.m. to feed feral cats that lived near the facility. She also enjoyed going to yard sales and was caring for a couple of cats at her condo, which originally was bought by her son, according to property records.

The close bond LaSalle shared with her son may have stemmed from her leaving his father after what was described as an abusive relationship.

"There was all kinds of stuff going on," Mark said. Lavis "was 7 years old. It must have been hard to live in that family."

Lavis graduated from high school in Santa Rosa and attended classes at Santa Rosa Junior College before earning an associate degree in computer operations from the Computer Learning Center of San Francisco, according to a copy of Lavis's resume provided to The Press Democrat by Garrity.

The resume showed Lavis worked at National Bank of the Redwoods from 1998 to 2004 and he designed the bank's original Web site and helped troubleshoot computer problems for employees.

Later, he worked for several companies, including Kendall-Jackson Wine Estates, Santa Rosa Memorial Hospital and Barclays Global Investors but never for more than a year, and sometimes only a few months.

Garrity, who formerly worked for ATG in Santa Rosa and now is a staffing recruiter in Ohio, said Lavis was struggling with an addiction to methamphetamine.

He also appears to have had trouble forming lasting romantic relationships. Lavis, who is gay, advertised himself on gay dating Web sites under the name "actorman33" and spent a lot of time in San Francisco.

Things worsened to the point that Lavis was in danger of becoming homeless. He was arrested for the first time in April 2005 and faced three charges of misdemeanor possession of drugs and paraphernalia. The case was dismissed, according to court records.

He was arrested again on similar charges in March 2006.

Garrity said Lavis told him his mother had turned him in after she found syringes in her son's room. That account could not be independently verified.

Lavis turned down a plea bargain that would have allowed him to enter a treatment program instead of going to jail, records show, and was sentenced to 90 days in jail. However, that sentence was increased to 120 days after he failed to turn himself in and a warrant was issued for his arrest.

After his release, Lavis accepted Garrity's offer to move to Ohio, where from August of last year to February he worked as a computer tech for Visiting Nurse Service and Affiliates in Akron.

But that success was tempered by Lavis' lingering anger toward his mother.

"He looked at me and his eyes got as big a round as 50-cent pieces, and he said, 'That bitch. She betrayed me. I will never forgive her,' " Garrity recalled.

In February, Lavis moved back to Santa Rosa. After getting evicted from that living arrangement, his mother came to his rescue again by agreeing to pay for his stay at a hotel. She did not want him at her home.

Mark said her sister confided in her that Lavis had stormed out of the condo one day screaming, "I hate you! I hate you!" He returned the next day to apologize.

"He would do that," Mark said.

LaSalle's best friend said she became worried after she failed to return phone calls or answer the door at her condo. She said her efforts to reach LaSalle began on Sept. 14 -- 13 days before her body was found.

The night before the discovery, the friend said she received an e-mail from Lavis asking if she had seen his mother. Other friends reported receiving similar inquiries.

"I believe he was trying to establish an alibi," said one.

Police declined to be more specific about the circumstances of LaSalle's death or speculate on a motive. Her Ford Taurus was found abandoned in San Francisco.

Police also would not elaborate on their search for Lavis after releasing his photo last week and asking for the public's help in finding him.

Mark, in the meantime, is planning a Catholic Mass for LaSalle on Oct. 15 at a church in Berkeley.

"My poor sister," she said. "I think she was trying to keep it from me. I knew nothing."

You can reach Staff Writer Derek J. Moore at 521-5336 or derekmoore@pressdemocrat.com.