Surviving the holidays means taking care of yourself

<p>A client walked into my office and started talking about his family. He and I explored his relationships and experiences, often those at his business, which was struggling with the economy.</p><p>On this day, he needed to focus on the conflicts, personalities and pain associated with his family. What brought this up? It was the holidays.</p><p>This person's experience mirrors what many of us are feeling today. The holiday activities and demands compounded by worries about our slumping economy are stressful. Sometimes, you just want to scream.</p><p>After you scream, you have a choice: Wallow in the holiday and economic stress or manage it to the best of your abilities.</p><p>As tempting as wallowing sounds, let's assume you choose to manage the stress. How do you do this? Here are a few suggestions:</p><p>Put on your oxygen mask. When you're traveling on an airplane, the flight attendant will tell you that if the yellow oxygen mask drops out of the ceiling, put yours on before you help others. The reason for this is simple. If you help someone else first and pass out because of a lack of oxygen, you can no longer help others and now other people have to take care of you. Life is the same.</p><p>By taking care of yourself, you are more likely to have the energy and patience needed to be an effective friend, spouse, parent, etc. When we get busy and stressed, often the first things that drop out of our schedule and daily routine are the things we do for self-care. Make sure these things stay in place. Keep your exercise routine going. Continue to carve out time to read that book you love. Get plenty of sleep. Do whatever you can to take care of yourself.</p><p>Say "no." A lot of people have difficulty saying "no." During the season of holiday cheer, saying "no" can be even more difficult. However, being able to say "no" is vitally important. This is one way we set limits to keep ourselves healthy. Without limits, we become emotionally and physically drained. Think of it like serving up a dinner plate. I'll take some of each but, for now, I'll say "no" to that second spoonful of mashed potatoes.</p><p>Once I've enjoyed what is on my plate, I can check in on how I'm feeling. If I'm not too full, I can always go back for those potatoes.</p><p>Managing all the activities, personalities and economic demands associated with holidays is the same. Think of "yes" and "no" as two ends of a teeter-totter; your goal is to keep the teeter-totter balanced. To do that, sometimes you have to say "no."</p><p>Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Those simple instructions from a shampoo bottle are important in life outside the shower as well. Take care of yourself. Say "no." Do whatever keeps your head above water. And then repeat.</p><p>You don't wash your hair only when it is really grimy. It's a routine that keeps your hair healthy and vibrant. Likewise, managing stress is not something to be done only when you are overwhelmed and on the verge of losing it. Managing stress works best when done routinely to keep your whole being healthy and vibrant.</p><p>So, this holiday season, wallow a little bit if you must. Then grab your oxygen mask, say "no" to those extra potatoes, and wash, rinse, repeat.</p><p>(Tim Stein is a marriage and family therapist in Santa Rosa.)</p>