Two horrifying reminders about domestic violence

For most of us, the holidays are filled with the warmth and love of family and friends. For some, however, it is filled with hopelessness and despair and can result in tragedy.

Two such tragedies were brought into our own homes the day after Christmas on the front page of The Press Democrat. One was headlined, "Tragic end to turbulent romance," the other, and "8 die as man opens fire, sets house ablaze."

These two cases, separated by several days and several hundred miles, are connected by a common theme: domestic violence. In the first case, the rare but all too real murder of a male, allegedly by his female partner, points to the fact that men, too, can be victims of domestic violence, and we must offer the same protections to them as we do to women. The second, a horrendous killing spree in Southern California that ended with the suspect committing suicide, is a case that will reverberate through the Covina community for years, much as the 1989 Salcido killings are still remembered here in Sonoma County. It was nearly 20 years ago that Ramon Salcido murdered his wife, Angela, and two of their daughters as well as three other family members and an innocent bystander in Glen Ellen.

What was important 20 years ago and is still important today is that we make sure that these victims did not die in vain. There is important work to be done, work that entire communities must embrace. Since the Salcido case, Sonoma County's response to domestic violence has improved significantly. The Sheriff's Department and Santa Rosa Police Department have created special units that house YWCA advocates who work side by side with law enforcement to prevent and prosecute domestic violence cases.

We must make sure that male victims of domestic violence receive services they need and deserve to be safe. While the vast majority of domestic violence victims are women, male victims face specific challenges because of their gender. Men are less likely to ask for help even if their lives are in danger, and when they do they are often not taken as seriously as a woman who reports abuse.

These challenges must be addressed if men like Daniel Mooney in Healdsburg are to be protected. It appears that he did everything he could to protect himself against the abuse -- he called the police and obtained a temporary restraining order. It also appears that he fell prey to a tactic used by other abusers -- the promise that things will change. The reality is that without significant intervention, domestic violence will only become more severe and may end, as in this case, with the death of the victim.

The YWCA has worked for the past 30 years to end domestic violence in Sonoma County. We have partnered with law enforcement, the district attorney and other agencies to prevent domestic violence and address its impact. It is time to strengthen the response to male victims of domestic violence and to make certain that Daniel Mooney did not die in vain.

All of us need to recognize that men can be abused by their partners. The YWCA's 24-hour hot line can be reached at 546-1234. For more information on services, go online at ywca.org/sonomacounty.

Denise Frey is executive director of the Sonoma County YWCA.