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Rupe's rankings
Published: Saturday, July 4, 2009 at 4:47 p.m.
Last Modified: Saturday, July 4, 2009 at 4:47 p.m.
1. Dodgers: Pitching looks to be faltering some and Manny’s return can’t cure that.
2. Boston: Injuries starting to zap the offense and Big Papi says, “Don’t look at me.”
3. Yankees: Seats from old Yankee Stadium being sold, as well as urinals. Now if someone can guarantee Mickey Mantle used the latter, you’ve got a buyer.
4. Angels: Vlad cut his curly locks. Looking to improve his leg speed. Sort of runs like Yul Brynner.
5. Tampa Bay: Defending AL champs won’t go away. Longoria and Crawford won’t let them. B.J. Upton heating up.
6. Detroit: Brandon Inge is the Man. Actually, looking at the roster, Jim Leyland is the Man.
7. Giants: Juan Marichal move over. Tim “The Freak” Lincecum is coming through.
8. Philadelphia: If you think Ryan Howard and Pedro Feliz are streaky, check out Brad Lidge.
9. Milwaukee: After putting another hole in his shorts, sliding Bernie Brewer asked that the fences be moved back.
10. Texas: Pitching is still the ultimate determinant for his team, but Josh Hamilton’s return can’t hurt.
11. Toronto: Pitching staff was watching women at Wimbledon and now screams on every pitch.
12. Colorado: What has been Jim Tracy’s secret? Slurpee machine in clubhouse.
13. St. Louis: On this sinking ship, Albert Pujols is the only one bailing.
14. Seattle: Take away Felix Hernandez and Ichiro and a better option is the Pacific coastline.
15. Minnesota: Somebody in promotions got it wrong. No Spam Night needed. It’s Denard Span.
16. White Sox: There’s a new saying — Crazy like a Pierzynski.
17. Florida: Yes, Burke Badenhop got one the other day.
18. Cincinnati: Joey Votto’s bat welcomed back. I’ll date myself. Nearly every hitter using the Von Joshua non-power style.
19. Mets: Latest team logo — a Band-Aid.
20. Cubs: Lou Piniella and Milton Bradley will become friends when Cubbies win a World Series. In other words, never.
21. Houston: BBC is working on a new detective caper called, Inspector Hunter Pence.
22. Atlanta: Every time Bobby Cox is ejected, fans get shower towel. Some fans have a closet full.
23. Pittsburgh: Fans starting to question the latest 20-year plan.
24. Baltimore: Fans would prefer a Baltimore Blazer to a Baltimore Chop.
25. A’s: This team has to spend more money on medical bills than it does on salary.
26. Kansas City: If this team were a boxer it would be Mike Tyson, at 43.
27. San Diego: See a lot of familiar names? This is the used player lot of the majors.
28. Cleveland: This is just like the old days, except no Municipal Stadium.
29. Arizona: Those 118 degree summer afternoons that make your skin melt? Preferable to watching this team.
30. Washington: The most uninteresting team in the world. Stay thirsty, my friend.
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