In tough times, children can be stressed-out too

<p>When Eric lost his job, he and his wife thought they could scrape by on her income for a while. They cut costs and gave up luxuries while Eric looked for employment. They wanted to shelter the children from stress, so quiet talks about the budget were held long after bedtime.</p><p>It didn't help that some of their medical bills increased when 8-year-old Sophia started getting tummy aches that kept her out of school. In spite of many tests and exams, the doctors told them that there was nothing physically wrong with their daughter.</p><p>But stress can cause serious physical symptoms, and that was Sophia's problem.</p><p>Last fall, the American Psychological Association released a report on Stress in the American Family, and the results are surprising. Katherine C. Nordal, the APA's executive director for professional practice, said, “It's clear that parents do not fully appreciate the impact that stress is having on their kids.”</p><p>Many factors can cause children to feel stressed: Family financial worries, self-image, school expectations, relationships with family members and friends, and peer pressure are among the most common. But stressed kids are different than stressed adults.</p><p>Children often don't know how to recognize signs of stress, and behavior changes may be the only way a child knows to respond. It is important for adults to be on the lookout for signs that a child is feeling anxious.</p><p>Some children get physical symptoms like headaches, stomach aches and changes in sleep patterns. Some start exhibiting new and annoying habits like nail biting, thumb sucking or hair-twisting. Many will show symptoms of stress in their playtime activities.</p><p>Almost all children who are stressed will have changes in their behavior. Children who were previously cheerful and cooperative become irritable and much less tolerant of change. They may become clingy, throw tantrums or quietly withdraw.</p><p>Trying to shield children from the causes of stress can worsen a child's anxiety. Children are aware of family tension and will imagine a worst-case scenario. Their imaginations are fertile and may create a nightmare that is far worse than reality. If parents know what to look for and can find opportunities to talk to their kids, they can help them manage challenges from a very young age.</p><p>Find opportunities to provide your children with clear information that is age appropriate. Spend time in conversation with your kids, focusing on their feelings instead of your own. Make time once a week for uninterrupted one-on-one activities with each child.</p><p>Notice when your children are ready to talk — maybe bedtime, or in the car — and let yourself listen. Start the conversation to show you care, pay attention to their interests, and share some of your own feelings. It is important to be patient: Let them complete their thought before you interrupt, and listen to their point of view even if it is painful to hear. You can ask them directly what they need from you, such as advice in solving a problem, help managing feelings, or simply a hug of support.</p><p>Remember that children will learn coping skills by watching their parents. Involve your children during problem-solving family meetings in ways that are appropriate for their age and abilities. Family activities that help manage stress are helpful; going for walks, riding bikes together, or dancing around the living room can make a big difference. Try to do something physical. Physical activity is more effective in stress management than passive temptations like eating, watching movies, excessive sleeping or playing video games.</p><p>If your children are showing significant signs of stress and you are not sure how to help them, seek advice from a licensed professional or a parenting support group.</p><p>Stress has the potential to either strengthen or weaken family bonds. With support and effective communication, stress can provide children an opportunity to learn coping skills that are needed for a lifetime of health.</p><p>Dr. Stacey Kerr, a longtime Sonoma County family physician, graduated from UC Davis Medical School and is certified in her specialty by the American Board of Family Medicine. Her columns are not intended as a substitute for hands-on medical advice or treatment. Consult your health care provider before adhering to any recommendations in this column. E-mail comments to drkerr@the-doctors-inn.com.</p>