Let's talk about something cheerful. I nominate the apocalypse.
You may not have noticed, but we survived an end-of-the-world moment again this week when a lunar eclipse made the moon look sort of reddish. This is known as a Blood Moon, and, in certain circles, it was seen as the Start of Something Big.
"The heavens are God's billboard," said televangelist John Hagee, the author of the best-selling "Four Blood Moons: Something Is About to Change." This is the same John Hagee who once theorized that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment to New Orleans for scheduling a gay pride parade. He later apologized. And moved on. To the moon.
As doomsday scenarios go, this one is not particularly original: The basic evangelical vision of trouble in the Middle East followed by the Second Coming. And red moons happen all the time. If you wanted a sign of the end of days this week, there are lots better candidates. Kathleen Sebelius for Senate? The idea that anybody believes Donald Trump will buy the Buffalo Bills? Or limes — their price is quadrupling! You can read all about that in my upcoming book, "The End of Guacamole."
The Blood Moon predictions are going to be with us for a while because there will be four of the same lunar eclipses over the next year and a half. And Hagee's theories have sold a heck of a lot of books on Amazon. But they lack the exciting specificity of the classic end-of-the-world prophecies. Like polar shifts (earth crust moves, triggering volcanoes, floods and eliminating all life-forms) or the Amazing Criswell, who was waiting for a black rainbow to show up and suck off all the oxygen.
Television is taking up the slack. It's awash with doomsday stories, with more on the runway. Killer viruses, planetary power failures, nuclear war. Plus your basic Rapture. ("'The Leftovers' is the story of the people who didn't make the cut.") Chris Carter, the "X-Files" creator who's offering "The After," was apparently really moved by that Mayan-calendar-ends crisis in 2012. "There was nervousness. It was in the air. ... Certainly the power of that played a part in my desire to do something about a world-changing event," he told TV Guide.
People, do you remember being all that worried about the Mayan calendar? Or zombies? Zombies are still so darned popular. It would be nice if we were being barraged with a new series about a utopian future where everybody got along except your occasional Romulan. Yet here we are.
The feel-good side of end-of-the-world predictions is that everything seems so nice the day after. We're still here! There's oxygen!
Unless, of course, you're someone like Robert Fitzpatrick, a follower of the late Harold Camping, a serial apocalypse predictor who claimed Judgment Day was going to be May 21, 2011. Fitzpatrick spent what he said was his life savings putting warning signs in the New York City subway system. ("Global Earthquake: The Greatest Ever!") On the plus side, he did give commuters a really fine ride to work on May 22.
If you enjoy worrying about doomsday, be sure to hedge your bets. Remember Y2K and all the millennium end-of-the-world scenarios?