But her encounters with rude French salesclerks bring out the practicing pyromaniac in her.
Their kids — Belle (Dianna Agron) and Warren (John D'Leo) — have another high school to reconnoiter, master and have their way with.
And Jones is a milder-mannered version of his U.S. marshal characters as a government agent who tries to keep these four alive, and keep the incidents with the locals to a minimum.
As the Blakes set up shop in small-town Normandy, Gio, or "Fred," decides he'll write his memoirs. His cover story now is that he's "a writer."
Silly Fred — he says he's doing a D-Day book when he doesn't know a thing about the subject. ("It's about the Marines on D-Day."
Every Frenchman in Normandy knows there were no Marines there.)
Maggie finds a charming, ancient church, and curdles the blood of the local priest with her confession (which we don't hear).
Warren, 14, is bullied, but born to work the angles until he's had his revenge. And Belle is a streetwise bombshell who sets her sights on a student teacher as her first-ever sexual conquest.
Gio narrates as he types up his book, detailing his family history, papering over his sadistic impulses even as he sets out to find out why their old house has brown water coming out of the tap.
Everybody speaks English, which helps the kids and their "fuggedaboutit" parents adjust. Except they don't. The movie also lacks much in the way of "Frenchness," which is a pity.