OAKLAND - The (choose an adjective) Oakland Raiders lost again on Sunday.
They were defeated by (name an opponent).
Oakland Raiders vs. Cleveland Browns
Oakland Raiders wide receiver Juron Criner is knocked out of bounds by Cleveland Browns defensive back Joe Haden during the first quarter of play in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders wide receiver Juron Criner fumbles the ball as he is hit by Cleveland Browns linebacker Kaluka Maiava during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012. Criner was able to recover the fumble.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders wide receiver Denarius Moore has the ball knocked out of his hands while trying to make a catch by Cleveland Browns defensive back Sheldon Brown during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders running back Jeremy Stewart stretches for more yardage as he's tackled by Cleveland Browns defensive back Sheldon Brown during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns punt returner Joshua Cribbs spins away from Oakland Raiders defender Richard Gordon during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders running back Jeremy Stewart gets away from Cleveland Browns defender Phil Taylor during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns defensive back Sheldon Brown breaks up an end zone pass intended for Oakland Raiders wide receiver Denarius Moore during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders defensive back Phillip Adams intercepts a pass intended for Cleveland Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders wide receiver Denarius Moore finds a gap in the Cleveland Browns defense during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders quarterback Carson Palmer passes the ball against the Cleveland Browns during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders kicker Sebastian Janikowski kicks a field goal against the Cleveland Browns during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns tight end Alex Smith tries to evade Oakland Raiders linebacker Philip Wheeler during their game in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns running back Trent Richardson sails through the air after leaping over Oakland Raiders safety Mike Mitchell (not pictured) and is tackled by Oakland Raiders linebacker Miles Burris during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns running back Trent Richardson leaps to get by Oakland Raiders safety Mike Mitchell during the second quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012. Mitchell was injured on the play and did not return to the game.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders running back Jeremy Stewart is tripped up by Cleveland Browns defensive back Johnson Bademosi during their game in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders defensive end Lamarr Houston sacks Cleveland Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden during their game in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns defensive back Sheldon Brown breaks up a pass intended for Oakland Raiders wide receiver Juron Criner during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns defensive back Sheldon Brown signals to the Oakland fans after intercepting a pass in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns defensive back Sheldon Brown intercepts a pass by Oakland Raiders quarterback Carson Palmer intended for wide receiver Juron Criner on the Cleveland 6-yard line during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns quarterback Brandon Weeden loses his helmet during a quarterback sneak against the Oakland Raiders during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders linebacker Miles Burris misses a tackle on Cleveland Browns tight end Jordan Cameron, who ran for 23-yards on the play, during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Cleveland Browns running back Trent Richardson caps off a 94-yard drive with a touchdown while defended by Oakland Raiders linebacker Philip Wheeler during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders wide receiver Juron Criner catches the ball on his shoulder against the Cleveland Browns during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders quarterback Carson Palmer throws a touchdown pass to tight end Brandon Myers late in the fourth quarter against the Cleveland Browns in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
Oakland Raiders tight end Brandon Myers is hit immediately by Cleveland Browns defensive back Buster Skrine as he makes a catch in the end zone during the fourth quarter in Oakland, on Sunday, December 2, 2012.
(Christopher Chung/ The Press Democrat)
They lost by a score of (fill in the score.)
By losing, they now have lost (fill in the appropriate number) times in a row.
They got off to a slow start, not unusual for them. They have gotten off to slow starts (fill in a number) times this season.
(page 2 of 5)
The (horde, smattering, paucity — choose the correct word) of fans, started booing the hometown team (in the first, second or third quarter — choose the correct quarter.)
The fans started fleeing the Coliseum and the stands were almost empty by the (choose a quarter.)
Seeing the deserted stands, the seagulls started taking over the stadium by the (choose a number)-minute mark of the fourth quarter.
The Raiders have been eliminated from the playoffs (choose a number) seasons in a row.
Richard Seymour did not play and that makes (choose a number) games he has missed this season, and no one noticed.
(page 3 of 5)
The Raiders gave up (choose a number) yards rushing. Hint: the number is not infinity, but it's close.
The Raiders missed (choose a number) easy tackles because of (bad technique, they are horrible athletes, they couldn't care less — choose a reason.)
One extraordinary moment in an otherwise un-extraordinary game was when Sebastian Janikowski missed a desperation field goal attempt from (51, 61, 71 — choose a number) yards.
Carson Palmer threw the usual (mind-numbing, completely unexplainable, just plain bad — chose a description) pick in the fourth quarter with the Raiders driving and in position to take the lead. He threw the obligatory interception with (select the correct time) left on the play clock.
Soon after that, (name the Raiders defender) missed a tackle against (name the opposing receiver) who caught the ball and ran for 23 yards to the Raiders' 19-yard line.
(page 4 of 5)
Three plays later, (name the Raiders defender) was called for (name the penalty) and that put the ball at the Raiders' 5-yard line.
(Name the opponent) took the ball in for a touchdown two plays later to put away the game.
That final scoring drive by the opponent covered a (whopping, mind-blowing, inexcusable — choose a description) (74, 84, 94 yards — choose the yardage).
The Raiders mounted a (fruitless, completely off-the-point, wasted late drive — choose the correct description) when it scored a TD which no longer mattered.
After the Raiders' final (see above for correct verbiage) touchdown, putting the Raiders down by only three points, it was revealed that Raiders coach Dennis Allen had mismanaged the clock at the end of the game to give the Raiders (a minute, 30 seconds, one measly second) to try an onsides kick and get back the ball and score a touchdown and perform a miracle which (obviously, for sure, as usual) did not work.
After the game, Allen met the media to explain what happened in the loss. He now has engaged in this after-a-loss discussion (insert the correct number) times this season.
(page 5 of 5)
Allen said "We've got to go back to work," or "We'll keep grinding," or variations of that theme (four, five, six) times in his postgame remarks.
(Choose a number) sportswriters (fell asleep, developed acute narcolepsy, fell into comas — choose the appropriate condition) while Allen spoke.
The Raiders postgame locker room was almost completely deserted within (insert a number) minutes, and that set a land-speed record of (escapability, speechlessness, acute embarrassment) in (California, all of the Americas, the entire world — choose a place.)
Allen is getting on thinner and thinner ice. If he does not turn this thing around fast, he could be one of many Raiders coaches summarily fired, and he would be replaced by (fill in a name).
For more on the world of sports in general and the Bay Area in particular, go to the Cohn Zohn at cohn.blogs.pressdemocrat.com. You can reach Staff Columnist Lowell Cohn at lowell.cohn@pressdemocrat.com.
OAKLAND - The (choose an adjective) Oakland Raiders lost again on Sunday.
They were defeated by (name an opponent).
They lost by a score of (fill in the score.)
By losing, they now have lost (fill in the appropriate number) times in a row.
They got off to a slow start, not unusual for them. They have gotten off to slow starts (fill in a number) times this season.
The (horde, smattering, paucity — choose the correct word) of fans, started booing the hometown team (in the first, second or third quarter — choose the correct quarter.)
The fans started fleeing the Coliseum and the stands were almost empty by the (choose a quarter.)
Seeing the deserted stands, the seagulls started taking over the stadium by the (choose a number)-minute mark of the fourth quarter.
The Raiders have been eliminated from the playoffs (choose a number) seasons in a row.
Richard Seymour did not play and that makes (choose a number) games he has missed this season, and no one noticed.
The Raiders gave up (choose a number) yards rushing. Hint: the number is not infinity, but it's close.
The Raiders missed (choose a number) easy tackles because of (bad technique, they are horrible athletes, they couldn't care less — choose a reason.)
One extraordinary moment in an otherwise un-extraordinary game was when Sebastian Janikowski missed a desperation field goal attempt from (51, 61, 71 — choose a number) yards.
Carson Palmer threw the usual (mind-numbing, completely unexplainable, just plain bad — chose a description) pick in the fourth quarter with the Raiders driving and in position to take the lead. He threw the obligatory interception with (select the correct time) left on the play clock.
Soon after that, (name the Raiders defender) missed a tackle against (name the opposing receiver) who caught the ball and ran for 23 yards to the Raiders' 19-yard line.
Three plays later, (name the Raiders defender) was called for (name the penalty) and that put the ball at the Raiders' 5-yard line.
(Name the opponent) took the ball in for a touchdown two plays later to put away the game.
That final scoring drive by the opponent covered a (whopping, mind-blowing, inexcusable — choose a description) (74, 84, 94 yards — choose the yardage).
The Raiders mounted a (fruitless, completely off-the-point, wasted late drive — choose the correct description) when it scored a TD which no longer mattered.
After the Raiders' final (see above for correct verbiage) touchdown, putting the Raiders down by only three points, it was revealed that Raiders coach Dennis Allen had mismanaged the clock at the end of the game to give the Raiders (a minute, 30 seconds, one measly second) to try an onsides kick and get back the ball and score a touchdown and perform a miracle which (obviously, for sure, as usual) did not work.
After the game, Allen met the media to explain what happened in the loss. He now has engaged in this after-a-loss discussion (insert the correct number) times this season.
Allen said "We've got to go back to work," or "We'll keep grinding," or variations of that theme (four, five, six) times in his postgame remarks.
(Choose a number) sportswriters (fell asleep, developed acute narcolepsy, fell into comas — choose the appropriate condition) while Allen spoke.
The Raiders postgame locker room was almost completely deserted within (insert a number) minutes, and that set a land-speed record of (escapability, speechlessness, acute embarrassment) in (California, all of the Americas, the entire world — choose a place.)
Allen is getting on thinner and thinner ice. If he does not turn this thing around fast, he could be one of many Raiders coaches summarily fired, and he would be replaced by (fill in a name).
For more on the world of sports in general and the Bay Area in particular, go to the Cohn Zohn at cohn.blogs.pressdemocrat.com. You can reach Staff Columnist Lowell Cohn at lowell.cohn@pressdemocrat.com.
Prev