Have yourself a very merry birthday

Day after day, Patti King’s unborn son Gavin kept missing his Dec. 20, 2007, due date. King recalls with humor how by Christmas Eve she and her husband “had just about given up that he was even coming at all.”

After spending the evening with her in-laws, she and her husband went back home, eager to rest from the long day. When she got into bed at 11:30 p.m., her water broke and she knew she would have a Christmas baby.

“We were like laughing in the car on the way to the hospital because we couldn’t believe he was finally coming at Christmas,” she said.

King said one of the receiving nurses at the hospital commented that Gavin would probably be “mad” for having him on Christmas Day, a religious holiday celebrated by some 2 billion Christians around the world and recognized by countless others for its cultural and traditional significance.

King rejected the idea that her son would feel slighted for being born on what Christians consider the holiest day of the year. Like many other North Coast parents who celebrate Christmas, King was determined to do her best to both honor the day her son and Christianity were born.

“Everyone has this perception about it, that you only get things once a year. But it’s just things. It’s silly,” she said. “I decided that it’s my job as a parent to make my children’s birthdays special whether or not they’re on a major holiday. So we do that.”

King, who lives in Petaluma with her husband, Gavin and two younger children, said she tries her best to juggle the two events, trying different things over the years. In the beginning, Gavin’s birthday party was held before Christmas, scheduling parties before Dec. 25. But somehow the family usually ended up doing something special for Gavin on the day.

“When he wakes up, his room is covered in balloons, so that’s the first birthday minutes,” she said. “Then all of us come out to see what Santa has brought.”

The routine includes a Christmas visit to King’s parents’ house in Petaluma, Christmas dinner that transforms into Gavin’s family birthday party with a piñata, gifts and a birthday cake. All of his presents are wrapped in birthday wrapping paper; nothing is the Christmas wrapping paper and there are no combined gifts, she said.

“He thinks he has a really special birthday,” she said, adding that the family also celebrates the kids’ half birthdays, another common tactic used to highlight the birthday importance of those born Dec. 25.

“It’s not like a gift-giving day,” she said. “We’ll do things together ... it’s just an acknowledgment.”

Manuel Vincent Caruana, 71, was born on Christmas Day in Malta and emigrated to the United States - to Detroit - when he was 8. In Malta, birthdays were not a big deal and Christmas was “just a day when you went to church that, as a child, felt like forever.”

After a couple of years living in the United States, Caruana started to celebrate both his birthday and Christmas with greater fanfare, like other American families. Caruana’s father was a carpenter and his mother was a professional seamstress who once sewed an evening gown for Eleanor Clay Ford, the wife of Edsel Ford, the son of the legendary automaker.

“In one sense, it was wonderful,” he said. “Getting gifts and attention; on the other hand, we had nothing where we came from. For me, it was almost a sense of guilt that I got so many presents because I got so many for Christmas and my birthday.”

Caruana came to Petaluma in 1996 for work and ultimately retirement. To this day, he said, he makes it clear to his family that he doesn’t want gifts for Christmas because “it’s just so ostentatious to me.”

Christine Marlow, 44, lived in Chino until she was 10, when her family moved in 1981 from San Bernardino County to Rohnert Park to be closer to family. Marlow said the Christmas routine included opening presents with parents and grandparents on Christmas Eve and then presents from Santa and birthday presents the following morning.

“When I was 6, I asked my mother when I was going to have a birthday party,” she said. “I associated birthdays with birthday parties. Up until then, I never had a party with all my friends. Now, I have to remember that it’s my birthday.”

Marlow, who has a 14-year-old son, said her birthday now takes a backseat to Christmas.

“I know that my birthday is in the back of my mind, but it’s not something that I’m super focused on,” she said. “I think I’m pretty selfless, I put other people before myself, but more so on Christmas. This is like everyone’s day, my birthday seems like a side note to everyone else.”

Today marks Patrick Hurley’s first Christmas birthday. His mother, Gina ?Hurley, 30, of Cotati said her son was due Dec. 19. She said her husband had hoped Patrick would be born on Christmas Day.

“He thought it would be a great birthday,” she said. “He thought if he’s going to be born around Christmas, he might as well be born on Christmas Day.”

Hurley said she disagrees with those who say Christmas birthdays are difficult for kids because all the Christmas attention takes away from a child’s birthday.

“I think it makes it more special,” she said. “He’ll always be with family and when he grows up, he may not have to work on his birthday ever and he won’t have to be at school.”

Still, it wasn’t easy to plan the first birthday party, which is going to be held Saturday. On Christmas morning, he’ll have his grandparents to celebrate his first year of life.

“He’s going to wake up to pancakes on his first birthday and I’m going to light a candle,” she said.

You can reach Staff Writer Martin Espinoza at 521-5213 or martin.espinoza@pressdemocrat.com. On Twitter @renofish.