Straight Talk: Thanksgiving and family

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: I’m hosting several sets of parents, grandparents, teenagers and college students for Thanksgiving. The young people tend to divide off, many staring into their devices, while some elders stare into the TV. What ideas or games do you recommend to create unity? Also, can you suggest conversation starters older folks can use with young people - including topics that are turnoffs? I love your column. This will so helpful. - Hostess with the Mostest near Toledo, Ohio

Moriah, 18, Rutland, Vt.: My favorite relative at family reunions is my grandmother. She always asks about my plans and listens interestedly without telling me how I should do things. Elder icebreaker: I ask how my parents were before I was born, it always brings laughter. Warning: The common vibe by elders that this generation is lazy just makes kids withdraw.

Breele, 20, Dana Point: My family cooks together and plays board games. My uncle (the host) oversees our bonding. For example, if I’m on my phone, he’ll come grab me, my grandma or aunt, and walk us over to make pies or something else. He always tailors the pairing and the task to the individuals. He does this with every family member, and we love him for it. P.S.: It’s totally cool to announce a mostly media-free Thanksgiving (unless it’s important).

Taylor, 17, Santa Rosa: Some teens are in their too-cool-for-family phase. Including young people in general conversation is best - many are adept on a range of topics. But often adults exclude us or ask about stressful things that we’re on vacation from (school, money, paying for school, “growing up,” friends, significant others, anything belittling). If a teen isn’t talking, ask about his/her favorite hobby or what he/she wants for Christmas.

Carmela, 16, Davis: My uncle is my favorite because he asks lively questions about my life while telling funny stories about his own. To bond, our family plays cards - competitively. The storytelling and trash-talking makes it fun even if you dislike cards. Charades is another hilarious way to bond. Elder-to-teen icebreaker: Ask what they hate about school - teens love complaining about their terrible lives. Teen-to-elder icebreaker: Ask about an exciting time of their life. Regarding phones, our parents wouldn’t stand for such disrespect at a family gathering.

Hannah, 23, Auburn: Thanksgiving is huge in our family. We are each in charge of a dish, which is great as it forces us to socialize in one huge kitchen party. After dinner, we play a game where each person places their small gift (lotto tickets, chocolate, $5 gift cards, Chapstick ) on the table. The first person rolls the dice. If you get doubles, you take a gift. After all the gifts are won, you set a 20-minute timer and again roll the dice. Now, rolling doubles means you take something from someone. It’s such unpredictable fun!

Christina, 22, Marysville: Cooking, mini-projects and games are key. Draw everyone into charades with teams and low-stakes competition. Don’t just scratch the surface with “How’s school ?” Show interest in them, not just what they’re doing.

Dear Hostess with the Mostest: I hope this is mostest helpful. Gratitude is a key to mental health. And nothing engenders gratitude more than an engaged, loving family. Everyone wants a leader, so take the role and create a meaningful and convivial Thanksgiving! - Lauren

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