The new giving spirit

Like the Grinch that stole Christmas, the pressure to give beautifully wrapped gifts, carefully chosen and shipped in plenty of time, can often snatch the fun out of the winter holidays.

If you work full-time, all of your free time can easily get eaten up with gift-giving chores, leaving little time for more important things, like getting together with family and friends.

With the recession of 2008 still pressing on people’s pocketbooks, we asked our readers if their attitude toward giving holiday gifts has changed over the past few years.

We found that many have come up with alternative strategies that honor the generous spirit of the holiday while providing a more satisfying solution to the problem of too much stuff.

There are all kinds of ingenious ways people have discovered to bring a little balance back to the holidays, from planning family trips and making homemade gifts to holding white-elephant parties. Here are some of their ideas.

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“Giving” is so different now than it used to be, 25 years ago. I used to start in September, collecting cool and unusual items to send for Christmas. But now, all one has to do is go online, click on an item, pay for shipping, and voila! Done!

So now I, like everyone else I know, have way too much “stuff,” and not enough real connection with either the gifts or the givers.

Last year, I e-mailed my family members in late summer that I was opting out of gift exchanges, so my loved ones shouldn’t expect gifts, as I was going to focus on people’s birthdays instead.

That’s holding for this year, too. I work in retail, so I get plenty of Christmas spirit, but I was spending my free time in December with shopping, wrapping and shipping, instead of going to cookie exchanges, concerts and parties.

I’m opposed to the concept of giving money or gift cards, because that turns into “I gave you $50 and you gave me $50.” Give me a handmade card, and I’m happy. Then take the $48 left over and give it to a charity like the Redwood Empire Food Bank.

Let’s make something else the center of the holiday. I know, what about the family meal! Everybody loves to eat, so have a device-free holiday dinner and give the youngsters desperately needed practice in real-time “conversation.”

- Ellen Skagerberg, Santa Rosa

I am trying to give more holiday gifts that support a great cause on top of being a wonderful and valued gift. The online International Folk Art Market is an example. The International Folk Art Alliance supports folk artists worldwide and creates economic opportunities for them. Their website is ifamonline.org. (Goods include leather purses, jewelry, scarves, felt dolls, percussion instruments and holiday and home decor).

- Julia Hochberg, Santa Rosa

I only give handmade gifts. I make soaps out of vegetables -- tomato, lemon cucumber, carrot and lettuce – and give jars of seasonings, jams, pickles, sauerkraut, farro and golden flax from the farm (Canvas Ranch in Petaluma).

When my daughter was young, she made gift certificate books for a breakfast in bed or a kiss. One time we gave one back to her, but she wasn’t thrilled with that.

Last year, we cut down a branch that had fallen and put that up as our tree, and Tim and I sat there and made paper snowflakes and paper chains. That was our tree.

- Deborah Walton, Petaluma

As my kids have gotten older (19 and 22), I have told them each year that we are scaling down and then I end up going overboard.

For my sisters and close friends, I pick up fun tchochkes at garage sales and thrift stores. I also like to find older things made in the U.S. or Japan. Too much of the stuff in stores gets boring.

- Kathy Korlin, Santa Rosa

I left shopping at stores for the holiday a long time ago, and order online, but this year we are starting a travel jar for the holidays. We are getting our passports as a family gift.

- Hughes Cath, Santa Rosa

Yes, the economy affected it (gift-giving) greatly. Also, getting older and realizing how much stuff you have and having to move.

How did we change our gift-giving rituals? I know our family gives less stuff. Over the past few years, we are much more conservative, and we started a white-elephant gift exchange for the adults in an effort to cut down on so many packages, boxes, wrapping paper, ribbon and bows, and useless, well-meaning gifts.

- Tika Moon, Santa Rosa

My wife and I participate in a very fun Christmas party each year with lots of friends, and we all bring a gift-wrapped gag gift. All the presents are put in a big pile; everyone pulls a number from a hat and then picks a gift. The choice to keep the chosen gift or trade with someone who’s already chosen then occurs. No one spends money; we all just find something around the house and use that. I keep ending up with the same, ugly elf painting every year.

- David Petri, Middletown

After years of telling friends and relatives that we didn’t want to exchange gifts, we became quite firm about it five years ago. Now we say that we have a “zero tolerance” policy on gifts during the holiday. We do NO holiday shopping, and I love the way my Christmas tree looks with no presents under it! I do bake and send homemade goodies to relatives under the age of 18. Sorry, adults, but it wouldn’t be policy without rules, right? I enjoy the holidays so much more.

- Eartha McClelland, Penngrove

We usually do a special outing for the Hanukkah/Christmas holidays. We have grown children, so we will spend time at a B&B in San Francisco and go out to the theater. We like to do fun things with a little bit of element of surprise. This year, we’re taking our children to Calistoga to the mud baths and a visit to a very special place. We like to do experiential stuff where we’re all together, and we spend quality time together.

- Padi Selwyn, Sebastopol

Staff writer Diane Peterson can be reached at 521-5287 or diane.peterson@pressdemocrat.com