Straight Talk: Help, I’m spending Christmas with my boyfriend –– and his teens

Dear Straight Talk: I’m going to my boyfriend’s house for the special day of Christmas. His boy, 15, and girl, 13, will be there. We’ve been together nine months now and I’ve only met the daughter once for five minutes, but have been around his son several times at events. I’m quite nervous. I’m bringing my boyfriend gifts, but I’m on a limited budget and don’t know if it’s expected or even appropriate to give the kids gifts. He can afford to buy them anything and does. What do you recommend? –– “C” in Santa Rosa

Gregg, 23, Houston, Texas: This is a very special day, so make sure it’s about the kids. It’s THEIR Christmas. (It’s only about you in that they’ll be judging you.) Definitely bring them something. I don’t show up anywhere empty-handed and it goes a long way toward making friends. The gift also creates opportunity for interaction. Ask your boyfriend for ideas, but if he discourages you buying them gifts, do it anyway. Maybe events you’ve attended with the son (sports, music?) indicate an idea for him. For the girl, maybe your favorite book when you were her age. Teen-pleaser: Bring homemade chocolate chip cookies –– no nuts or raisins.

Brie, 23, London, England: It’s important to take a backseat and let Dad lead the day. It really irritated me when my stepmom took a bigger role. It felt like she was trying to replace my mom or was making the holiday about her and my dad, instead of me and my siblings. Definitely get the kids something. Gift cards are nice even in small amounts. Family board or card games can be fun, too, but don’t be disappointed if they just want to text their friends and not play.

Brandon, 22, Mapleton, Maine: In most cases, I’d rather someone didn’t buy me a strange gift I never wanted in the first place. If you’re stumped, how about bringing your favorite dish? I love it when someone brings their favorite food, it shows they put some effort into being there.

Breele, 20, Dana Point: Get each one a little something. Maybe a basketball for the boy (or whatever he’s interested in) and a phone case for the girl. Be aware that the physical gift isn’t the real gift. The real gift is how you interact and make them feel special and respected. A baked good always helps.

Liva, 25, Maui, Hawaii: I was a teenager when my dad remarried. I really appreciated my stepmom (early in their relationship) being thoughtful even when she didn’t know us very well. Something useful like a small gift card to Starbucks or Jamba Juice might be nice. If they read, get a new/popular book in a genre their dad says they like. Same for movies or CDs. Or pick from the lower-cost items they are hoping to receive from Dad. Most importantly, express genuine interest in who they are –– this will go far.

Moriah, 18, Rutland, Vt.: A gift isn’t required –– however, if you feel uncomfortable without one, an age-appropriate book is rarely offensive. Christmas is special and hosting an “outsider” has potential for tension. Observing their traditions, participating on cue, and not trying to take over is probably the best gift in this situation.

Dear “C”: I hope the panel is helpful. I say bring a small gift for each AND something homemade (nothing exotic and definitely leave out raisins and nuts). The overriding message is that the day isn’t about you. Be chill (don’t lead or talk too much), be real (show genuine interest in the kids) and be of service (give the family occasional space by busying yourself with tasks nobody wants). ––Lauren

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