Straight Talk: Promoting a healthy relationship with food

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My 14-year-old daughter is being treated for anorexia and bulimia. Her clothes covered it well. I am writing about the media frenzy around being thin, which goes into overdrive in January. With epidemic numbers of young people trying to lose weight in unhealthy ways, why aren't New Year's resolutions focused on a healthy relationship with food? How can parents help? —Pennsylvania Mom

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Molly, 22, Oakland: Society promotes an unhealthy, conflicted relationship with food. Think nonstop images of unreasonably photo-shopped women interspersed with ads for grease-dripping burgers and pizzas. Parents can help by focusing on health, not their kid being thin or pretty.

Shel, 17, Pleasanton : It's not a popular resolution because everyone wants to be pretty. In high school, you're either athletic, smart or pretty. Ideally, all three. Magically. Smart without studying, athletic without practicing, pretty without trying. And the closest thing to not trying is ignoring food. My best friend has suffered from bulimia and anorexia for several years. Her triggers are an intense desire to be pretty combined with intense guilt about feeding herself. Parents can reduce guilt by focusing on 'fueling' the body rather than 'feeding' it and keeping only healthy 'fuels' around. It helps that vegetables, fruits and meats don't show calorie counts. For that reason, put Cheerios and nuts into unlabeled containers. The calorie count on food labels can feel like an assault. Another help is highlighting role models with healthy bodies and successful careers that match your daughter's interests. Anyone can be thin. Nobody can be your daughter.

Warning signs of anorexia/bulimia:

Going to the bathroom right after meals

Eating really fast and suddenly stopping

Exercising soon after eating

Annie, 17, Santa Rosa : One of my biggest peeves is self-diagnosing, where young people claim having OCD, ADD, eating disorders, anxiety, etc., to seem interesting. It takes away from those with actual issues, who rarely publicize them. Thus, I wouldn't say I had an 'eating disorder' because I never sought help and was able to correct my own behavior, but I was on a destructive path that could have lead to a full-blown condition. As a girl (and even now), I wanted to fit a certain media-driven mold. I also absorbed my mom's negative relationship with food. In middle school, to counter my meal-skipping, my mom made a rule that nobody was allowed to leave the house until they ate breakfast. This is something I still follow, no matter how late I'm running. I still have bad body-image days where I want to curl up in a hole, but I'm much happier. I eat right and exercise regularly — not to lose weight, but to feel good. The satisfaction of caring for my body is 100 times better than the disappointment I got from mistreating it.

Elle, 19, Mifflintown, Penn.: I've skipped countless breakfasts and lunches because I wasn't hungry, or was rushing and would 'grab a snack later.' Yet, after the fact, I'd often go, 'One less meal to burn off.' I'm aware of the implications regarding meal-skipping, so I do it less now. Luckily, I've been comfortable with my body. Sure, I'd like to be super fit, but starving myself or vomiting my lunch has never been appealing. I'm heartsick that so many aren't comfortable. I love OperationBeautiful.com. It's about ending negative 'fat talk' and changing the way you see yourself.

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DEAR PENNSYLVANIA MOM: Thankfully, your daughter is getting help. With over half of teenage girls and a third of teenage boys using unhealthy weight-control behaviors such as meal-skipping, fasting, smoking, vomiting, and laxatives, it is indeed an epidemic. A society-wide correction is needed. In the meantime, making home a media- and junk-food-free oasis is something parents can do and kids are dying for it. —Lauren

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