Straight Talk: Should teens be allowed to lock their bedroom door?

DEAR STRAIGHT TALK: My sister and I want a lock for our bedroom door. We have a new stepfather and we feel uncomfortable not being able to lock our door when we’re undressed. He’s good to us, rarely comes inside our room and always knocks beforehand. Even so, we would feel more secure if we could lock our door at certain times. - Jodie, 16, Lodi

Brie, 23, London, England: Your home sounds “lock free.” Since he’s got a good track record, ask for a partition to change behind so you can feel comfortable.

Justin, 17, Brentwood: I understand not allowing a lock if there are suspicions around drugs, alcohol or sex. But if a teen demonstrates responsibility, academic stability and self-respect, having the choice to lock one’s door is powerful developmentally and should be available.

Brandon, 22, Mapleton, Maine: I wouldn’t press this. Repeatedly asking for a lock can quickly turn into parental allegations of drug/alcohol abuse or sex. In two years, you’ll be gone, free to lock whatever doors you want. However, if your stepfather DOES give you reason to worry, speak to your mother, or, if needed, the police.

Icis, 16, Detroit, Mich.: When one door closes, another opens. Your harmless intentions to lock out your stepfather can give way to options far beyond that. Instead of locking the door, simply announce your need for privacy. It’s your room and respect should be given. The latch to my life was only sealed when negative emotions became overwhelming. My self-quarantine got me classified as depressed, antisocial and unstable. I was on constant watch by my guardians because I placed myself on the opposite side of a door. If the door clamp never existed, I could’ve received support much sooner. Ask yourself, when turning the lock, are you locking everyone else out, or yourself in?

Stephanie, 23, Calistoga: While I never had a lock, my mom and I built a trusting relationship and she respected my privacy. Thongs + stepdads = awkward for sure, but put yourself in Mom’s shoes. Parents worry teens will isolate or get into trouble behind closed doors. Suggest trading the lock for good grades and a clean room. Or substitute the lock with agreed-upon private hours, a do-not-disturb sign and strict protocol for knocking.

Maddie, 15, Cotati: You should always have the right to a locked door. I rarely don’t lock mine because my family constantly invades each other’s personal space. With a new male presence in the house, you should be able to feel secure.

Ryann, 17, Tustin: The thought of being walked in on nude is the worst! Yet, locked doors scare parents. Communicate the seriousness of feeling insecure in your own home. Promise to lock it only when changing.

DEAR JODIE: Lots of ways to look at this. While locks can invite problems, if a teen is doing well and isn’t abusing the lock, I see no problem with privacy locks found on most bedrooms and bathrooms, which can be “popped” open easily with a nail - or removed if need be. Any other locks are out of the question. That said, since your mom doesn’t want locks, Brie’s partition idea and rules for knocking should bring you security while dressing. If you sense potential for sexual abuse, however, I empower you to create a secure door on your own (a rubber door stop costs about $7) and report the situation to a teacher or counselor. - Lauren

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