Teen Essay: An ode to Saint Valentine

Roses are red, violets are blue, I know the history of Valentine’s Day … do you? February 14th is the time of year when couples and crushes pull out all the stops to buy the best gifts for their special someone. However, it was not always about boxes of chocolates, bouquets or jewelry. Rather, it originally celebrated a much different occasion than the Hallmark holiday we know today.

In fact, Valentine’s Day didn’t even deal with romantic affairs until after the 1300s. Valentine’s Day holds its origins in an ancient pagan ceremony called Lupercalia. The ritual began with animal sacrifices - lambs, goats, cows, etc. If Mary had a little lamb, she’d better have hidden it well or disguised it as a shaggy dog. Then it progressed to the whipping of young women. Yes, that certainly escalated quickly. If that wasn’t enough, these damsels in distress were hit with the skins of the recently sacrificed animals until they were covered with the blood of the four-legged martyrs.

Their rationale: (cuts + bruises + dead sheep) x 1 slightly disturbing and masochistic deity = fertility.

I think I speak for all young women when I say that we’ll gladly take chocolate over close encounters of a bovine kind any day.

With regard to the occasion’s origins, the unofficial namesake largely remains a mystery. One popular theory is that Valentine’s Day was originally dedicated to a priest named Saint Valentine of Rome. Not much is known about him other than that he was a rebellious priest who was imprisoned and killed for secretly wedding soldiers. At the time, the Roman Empire under Emperor Claudius II had laws forbidding soldiers to marry, believing that single males made better fighters. Yay testosterone! Needless to say, fertility was probably at an all-time low. Saint Valentine was then sent to prison to await his impending death, and there he fell in love with his jailer’s daughter. On the day he was executed, legend has it the saint passed a note signed, “From Your Valentine.”

In honor of his “heroic” death, the pope declared that February 14 would thenceforth commemorate the soft-hearted Saint Valentine.

A box of tissues and a few reruns of “The Notebook” later…

Valentine’s Day has become an iconic day for celebrating love and spending a lot of money on various gifts. An estimated 62 percent of Americans celebrate the occasion. In fact, the first official Valentine’s Day in America was celebrated as early as 1840. Soon after, it became a nationwide consumer holiday. Over one billion Valentine cards, 35 million boxes of chocolate and 220 million roses are sold each year. Statistics show that the average American spends about $130 per person. In other words, not only is your gift making your significant other very happy, consumer retailer CEOs probably wish every day was Valentine’s Day. Cheers to spreading love, flowers and a whole lot of money!

All jokes and history lessons aside, it is a great opportunity to showcase your affections with gifts. I sincerely hope that all of you are able to show that special someone how much you care. Hint: Chocolate is amazing. If you’re single, you can be your own special someone. I sure know that I’ll be sending gifts to myself this year; surprise is overrated. As for all you young women, sheep and other creatures out there, at the very least you can be sure to give a special thanks to Ryan Gosling … I mean Saint Valentine.