Straight talk: Girls sports a hotbed for gay shaming

Dear Straight Talk: My twin sister and I play basketball. Two teammates are openly gay, and rumor has it the whole team is gay and we have sex with each other. We have no problem with our gay teammates in the locker room and have never sensed any interest in our bodies. That said, we are not gay and we resent being stereotyped just because two teammates are. Even though we love playing basketball, we’ve seriously considered quitting the team over this. Your thoughts?

-17, Santa Ana

Ryann, 18, Tustin: I also play on a girls basketball team and acknowledge the struggle for a separate identity from the team. In high school, kids are extremely insecure and make other people feel bad to ease that. Talking to an administrator or parent could help. Don’t let these people matter to you. You know who you are and that’s ultimately all you can control. God is giving you obstacles knowing you’ll overcome them and be better for it. Trust the bigger picture.

Samantha, 23, Toledo, Ohio: Whether it’s school, job or church, some people treat the “different” badly - and because you don’t, you must be “different” too. Keep playing basketball and interacting with your teammates. The second you stop, the haters win. Chances are, people don’t believe the rumors, they’re just too insecure to say so.

Meghan, 20, State College, Penn.: Use your team structure for support. Join forces with other teams. Notify the administration, distribute fliers, hold a demonstration to get sex out of athletics.

Brandon, 23, Mapleton, Maine:. The worst thing about this question is that many people - not just you - are horrified when someone assumes they’re gay. While there are still trolls who bash people for having a gay friend, this isn’t the 1950s. Your resentment fuels the fire that being gay is something shameful. The best treatment for trolls is to ignore them. With no reaction, they go away. Prediction: In a few years, being called gay won’t be considered such a bad thing.

Maddie, 16, Cotati: Honestly, this stereotype in girls sports is just plain stupid and I would tell them off.

Lisa, 23, Eugene, Ore.: Society makes women’s sports more about sexuality than athletics. I saw so many ridiculous half-naked photo shoots of female athletes during the Olympics. Even women devoting a lifetime to their sport are rewarded mostly for sexiness. Female athletes can be intimidating so insecure people label women lesbian rather than accept that women can enjoy being strong and powerful. How frustrating. In high school, this guy insisted I was a lesbian because I was quiet around guys and often talked to an openly-gay girl. At the time, I was offended, as you are, but for your gay teammates, the hurtful comments might never go away.

Dear 17: I’m sorry for you, your teammates - and girls sports. That only one panelist suggests telling the administration (saying they “could” help) speaks of most schools’ utter failure in preventing bullying. As Monica Lewinsky said in her March TED talk, “Public humiliation is a commodity and shame is an industry.” Just as politicians and the media profit from it, so do high school students reap popularity from shaming others - even though it only serves to stunt their individual freedoms.

There is a solution. The program that corrects bullying from within is the Safe School Ambassadors program (www.community-matters.org). The program trains the most popular kids in a school in compassionate engagement, and the other students naturally follow suit. It’s a proven success in over 1,500 schools. Bring information about it to your school board and demand they “get with the program” before someone less resilient than you quits more than a sports team.

- Lauren

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