Sonoma wine and fireworks: Iggy Calamari’s bright idea

Editor’s Note: As intrepid winery sleuth Jake Lorenzo, Fetters Hot Springs author Lance Cutler pens stories that mingle fictional characters with real people, in situations that reveal the glory of wine. Here's an excerpt from his newest collection, “Mature Surveillance: Wine Country Musings.”

The town of Sonoma has always been great for Fourth of July. Even in the early days, before Jakelyn was born, the town plaza filled for the parade. The parade was always a local affair and pretty much anyone who wanted to be in it could be in it. The whole thing would last less than an hour.

So we’d sit in our lawn chairs, sipping our Tequila Sunrises, and watch our kids ride their bicycles, which had been festooned with colorful streamers. We’d laugh at the town band and their antics. We’d wave at all of our friends marching in the parade, and then mix drinks for them after they had made their way around the plaza.

After the parade, we’d make our way back to the house with dozens of friends, where Chuy Palacios from the legendary Burrito Palace would cook up a simple barbecue meal. Of course, Chuy’s idea of a simple barbecue included birria, carnitas and barbacoa, along with hot dogs and hamburgers.

We’d drink beer and wine throughout the afternoon, hydrating with plenty of water and returning to Chuy’s serving tables as often as possible.

Around 8 p.m., we’d load up into vehicles and have our designated drivers, usually our teenage kids, drive us to our secret parking spot on Fourth Street West, where about 200 people who evidently knew the secret also would park.

The fireworks show would start around 9 p.m., and it was always terrific, especially when you realized that it was presented by the Sonoma Valley Volunteer Fire Fighters and paid for entirely by the generosity of residents, visitors and local business owners.

Fourth of July in Sonoma was the essence of small town America at work.

It still is, but the kids have flown the coop, the crowds have gotten much larger, and it has turned into big business around the plaza. The parade goes on forever, with literally hundreds of antique cars making their way around the square to the point of boredom.

Every restaurant has sold-out events featuring music, food and drink and then a view of the fireworks show. Traffic out of town after the show, always an issue, has become ridiculous, sometimes taking hours to clear from downtown.

Over time, Jake Lorenzo and Jakelyn’s mom learned to avoid downtown Sonoma on Fourth of July. Instead we hung out around a pool with about a dozen friends at Ray and Emi Kaufman’s house, located at the base of Sonoma Mountain. We still had Chuy cook, and the menu stayed pretty much the same, except that now people brought appetizers like sashimi, deviled eggs, caviar and an array of cole slaw and potato salads.

The afternoon slowly evolved into an extended frivolous wine tasting, where people vied to bring something unknown but delicious.

With the appetizers, we tried an occasional vinho verde, a fresh albarino or a sumptuous verdejo. By late afternoon we’d be sipping dry riesling, crisp torrontes and fresh rosé. Someone might even slip in a unoaked chardonnay. By dusk, when Chuy started serving food, we’d be trying cool-climate pinot noir and syrah

Over the years, most of us had stopped walking to the driving range to look across the valley and catch the fireworks show. This year, however, we had a motley parade of our own down to the parking lot to see what Iggy Calamari had come up with. The inventor of the wine powered pacemaker, Dr. Calamari was currently consumed by a much more pedestrian task. He was setting up his very own fireworks display for Fourth of July.

At least the parking lot was paved, and I got a small sense of relief when I saw that Iggy had several hoses set up in case we needed water in a hurry. We got settled in, and with a little fanfare, Iggy explained his idea for the pyrotechnics.

“I’ve designed these fireworks to explode at fairly low altitude, for fire safety reasons. Instead of chrysanthemum bursts, Kamuro effects, or spider trajectories, each of my fireworks will explode into the sparkling shape of a wine bottle with each one getting progressively larger. Basically, we’ll run through fifth to magnum to Jeroboam, Imperial, Balthazar and conclude with a spectacular Sovereign.”

Iggy bustled around with his small hand-held control panel, mouthed, “Here we go,” and hit a button.

This detective had seen some fireworks shows. I’d seen fireworks in Seattle, San Francisco and Washington, D.C. I’d seen them over the Napa River while on a boat. I’d seen fireworks in Tuscany, Italy and Tokyo, Japan, but I never saw anything like the Dr. Iggy Calamari Fourth of July Fireworks display in Sonoma.

Just as he had described, the different sized bottles appeared, corks popped out with sound effects and the shimmering bottles tilted to pour sparkling rivers of wine down from the sky. Unfortunately, a glitch in his digital fuse caused all of the fireworks to go off simultaneously.

The entire show, as spectacular as it was, lasted less than two minutes.

Amid a giant explosion, Iggy Calamari had disappeared. We were all stunned into silence.

We waited a few minutes for the smoke to clear. Finally we saw the chagrined Dr. Calamari standing there covered in soot but very much alive. We all started pounding him on the back, telling him how great the show was.

We walked happily back to Ray and Emi’s to have some cheese with old red wines while we waited for taxis to take us home.

On Fourth of July in Sonoma, it is a long wait for taxis, but with old wine and old friends, it is time well spent.