Dear Abby: I am a 28-year-old female. I recently married the most amazing man in the whole world, “Jeremy.” We connect, communicate, understand and love everything about each other. My only issue is, Jeremy has an obsession/fetish with women smoking cigarettes.
He fantasizes about me smoking all day, every day. I don’t smoke. I did for nine years, but quit five years ago (before I met him). I hated smoking — the smell, the waste of money, the example I was setting for my kids, the harm to my health and feeling out of breath.
Smoking has killed some of my relatives, and Jeremy knows it. But every day he keeps begging me to start up again. He tells me he’d do anything in the world to turn ME on, and doesn’t understand why I refuse to please him by smoking. He asks me to hold a cigarette, take pictures of myself smoking it and send them to him. He wants to smell it on my breath. He’s literally OBSESSED.
It really bothers me. I’ve bawled my eyes out in front of him telling him how much I don’t want to do it. He’ll feel bad and say he’ll stop, but starts back up again. I feel like it’s selfish that he wants me to put myself at risk to arouse him. He knows how I feel about every aspect of it.
We have spent hours and hours talking this out. We plan on having a baby. I asked him how he’d feel if I smoked with his baby in my belly. He responded that I’d have to quit for the pregnancy.
I feel this is going to ruin our marriage. What should I do? Give in and start up with this horrible habit again to satisfy my husband?
— Lost and Hurt in New England
Dear Lost and Hurt: I confess, your letter is a first. If Jeremy loved you, rather than risk your health for his sexual gratification, he would be seeking professional help for his fetish.
Smoking is not a harmless habit. If you take up smoking again, it will ruin your health and endanger the health of any children you might have with him. Do not give in. Do not risk cancer or lung disease to please him.
Lake Ilsanjo Loop at Annadel State Park
Hiking distance: 6.2 miles
Hiking time: 3.5 hours
Elevation gain: 600 feet
Difficulty: moderate to slightly strenuous
Exposure: mix of shaded forest and open meadows
Dogs: not allowed
Maps: USGS Santa Rosa and Kenwood / Annadel State Park map
In the 1930s, Joe Coney bought the land that is now Annadel State Park. In the 1950s, he built Lake Ilsanjo on Spring Creek and named it after himself and his wife, Ilse. Joe used the 26-acre lake as a hunting and fishing retreat for his friends. Lake Ilsanjo is now the highlight of the park, popular with picnickers, mountain bikers, joggers, equestrians, hikers, and anglers hoping to catch bluegill and bass. The lake is surrounded by meadows filled with wildflowers.
This hike leads to Lake Ilsanjo from midway along Channel Drive. The trail circles the lakeshore and returns via the Richardson Trail, making a large loop through the center of the park. The Richardson Trail is an old ranch road shaded by redwoods and mixed oak woodlands.
To the trailhead
6201 Channel Drive, Santa Rosa
From Highway 101 and Highway 12 in Santa Rosa, drive 1.5 miles west on Highway 12 to Farmers Lane. Turn left and drive 0.8 miles to Montgomery Drive, following the Highway 12 signs. Turn right and continue 2.7 miles to Channel Drive. Turn right and go 1.5 miles to the posted North Burma Trail and Channel Trail. Park along the right side of the road. A parking fee is required.
From the town of Kenwood, drive 5.5 miles north on Highway 12 (Sonoma Highway) to Los Alamos Road. Turn left and drive 0.2 miles to Melita Road. Turn right and immediately veer left onto Montgomery Drive. Drive a half mile to Channel Drive and turn left. Continue 1.5 miles to the posted North Burma Trail and Channel Trail. Park along the right side of the road. A parking fee is required.
Head up the forested slope on the North Burma Trail. Follow the west side of a stream, originating from False Lake Meadow. Rock-hop over the creek and climb two switchbacks. Pass a 15-foot cataract, reaching a posted trail split on a flat at 0.7 miles. The North Burma Trail goes left. Stay straight on the Live Oak Trail and traverse the hillside, skirting the east side of grassy False Lake Meadow. At the summit, pass the site of an old quarry on the left. Gradually descend and cross a small bridge, emerging from the shady oak forest into False Lake Meadow. Cross the tree-rimmed grasslands to a junction with the Rough Go Trail at 1.6 miles. Follow the Rough Go Trail straight ahead through the rocky grassland. At just over 2 miles, the Rough Go Trail ends at a junction with the Lake Trail on the west side of Lake Ilsanjo. Both directions circle the lake.
For this hike, curve right, crossing the dam and spillway. Loop around the south and east sides of the picturesque lake. Cross two of the lake’s feeder streams and a picnic area with a side loop on the left. At the north end of the lake is a four-way junction at 3 miles. The left fork loops back to the Rough Go Trail. The Louis Trail continues straight ahead for a shorter 5.1-mile hike.
For this hike, bear right on the W.P. Richardson Trail, an old ranch road. Head up the dirt road, staying left past a junction with the South Burma Trail. Traverse the hill, passing the North Burma Trail. Begin an easy descent through a forest of redwoods, Douglas fir and coast live oak, passing Steve’s “S” Trail at 3.9 miles. (The “S” Trail is a steep, hiking-only trail.) Pass a picnic area, water tank and wood steps to a quarry site, all on the right. At 4.6 miles, pass the Two Quarry Trail on the left and continue down to the parking lot at the east end of Channel Drive at 5.5 miles. Head left and walk 0.7 miles on forested Channel Drive, or take the Channel Trail (parallel to the road) back to the trailhead.
Source: "Day Hikes Around Sonoma County 2nd Edition, by Robert Stone (Day Hike Books, March 2016)