Dear Abby: Dad's disapproval causes brother to keep secrets

Dear Abby: We are from the Middle East. My younger brother married an American woman and moved to Arizona, where her family lives. Because our dad didn't approve, my brother made the plans behind our back and told Dad in an email. He also didn't mention that they were moving until a week before the wedding.

We have just found out from a friend that they're having a baby. They'll probably tell us after the baby is born. I have tried to get through to my brother that these secrets are not good for the relationship, but talking to him is frustrating. If they do give us the news after the baby is born, I no longer wish to speak to him. Is this OK? What should I do?

— Frustrated in Southern California

Dear Frustrated: Your brother and sister-in-law's silence likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the way he and his wife felt about your father's disapproval of their marriage. They may have moved to Arizona because Arizona felt more welcoming than being close to your father did.

If possible, avoid the temptation to personalize the breach that has occurred. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your brother, because in the future it may be important. A card congratulating them on the birth of their baby would be a place to start.