When Carl Hamilton got the news that every parent dreads, his fatherly instinct kicked in. His son Chris was lying alone at the Sonoma County Coroner’s Office, the victim of a middle-of-the-night car crash. Against all modern convention, Hamilton decided he would not send his firstborn to a mortuary. Instead, he claimed the young man’s body and drove him home.
For three days and two nights Chris Hamilton lay in a simple hand-assembled wooden box in his parents’ Santa Rosa living room. Friends and family gathered beside him, experiencing their grief within the same modest tract house where Chris, a Giants and Green Bay Packers fan and Le Cordon Bleau-trained cook, had grown up.
They talked, shared stories, brought mementos and totems and shed tears. Carl Hamilton and other family members slept in the living room to be near their Chris, named for the storybook character Christopher Robin. In his 35 years, he had grown into a burly man of 6-foot 2 with a big smile, a wicked sense of humor and a compassionate heart.
The Hamiltons opted for an old-fashioned wake or home viewing, where a family spends intimate mourning time with their loved one. These kinds of funerals were once a common practice in American homes, often with women in the community assisting in “laying out the dead.” But with the increasing popularity of embalming and the professionalization of the funeral industry, family death rituals began to change.
At a time when most people “make arrangements” with a mortuary to deal with remains, the Hamiltons dialed back to the old ways in caring for Chris themselves. They oversaw every step, from making his box in the family garage and adorning it with art and messages, to transporting him to the crematorium where they sang songs and held their own service before bidding him good-bye and pushing his box into the flames. Virtually the entire family — three generations — participated.
“I wanted to slow things down. I hate funerals, the ones I’ve been to. I wanted my son home,” said Hamilton, a longtime director in community theater and currently a drama teacher at Cardinal Newman High School.
Soothe broken heart
It was, he reflected, like another production but one that, in its way, helped soothe his broken heart.
Just as women began reclaiming childbirth from strictly clinical hospital settings to home births, natural childbirth and birthing centers, an increasing number of people like the Hamiltons are reclaiming death rituals in ways that are more personal. It’s spawning a niche of services and products for home funerals and green burials, from shrouds to body oils to biodegradable boxes and urns. Increasing numbers of people are craving more control of the mourning experience, and see it a more normal way of dealing with the remains of a loved one, and a healthier way of experiencing their grief.
“I think we’re still just at the tip of the wave,” said Jerrigrace Lyons, who in the 1990s founded a group called now called Final Passages, to educate people about how to do their own home funeral and to provide support. The Sebastopol advocate is now a part of a larger organization, the National Home Funeral Alliance, which has grown to include members throughout the U.S., Canada, New Zealand and Great Britain.
West County Regional Trail, Forestville to Graton
Hiking distance: 4 miles round trip
Hiking time: 1.5 hours
Elevation gain: level
Exposure: mostly exposed with forested pockets
Maps: U.S.G.S. Camp Meeker and Sebastopol; West County and Rodota Trails map
A rails-to-trails system has been developed on the old Petaluma and Santa Rosa Railroad line, which connects Petaluma and Santa Rosa with Sebastopol and Forestville. The West County Regional Trail, a 5.5-mile segment of that system, runs from Forestville to Sebastopol. This hike follows the first section of the trail in a tree-lined corridor from Forestville to the small town of Graton, following a water channel, meandering alongside pastures and vineyards, and passing through the Fish and Game’s Atascadero Marsh Ecological Reserve. The mostly paved path is a popular hiking, biking and dog-walking route.
From Graton, the walk can be extended another 1.75 miles south to Occidental Road and another 3.5 miles to Sebastopol. From Sebastopol, the trail continues west to Santa Rosa along the Joe Rodota Trail. The entire rails-to-trails system is 14 miles, from Forestville to Sebastopol to Santa Rosa.
Trailhead: Hwy. 116/Second Street, Forestville
From downtown Forestville on Highway 116, park along the south side of the street between Second Street and Mirabel Road, or pull into the open area off the road.
The hike: Walk down the gravel road alongside houses and buildings on the left. As the road curves left, leave the road to the right. Walk toward the tree grove to the posted trailhead.
Take the paved path through a tunnel of trees alongside a stream and a vineyard on the right. Follow the tree-lined corridor, cross a bridge over the creek and cross Kay Lane, a private road. Cross a second bridge over a stream.
Continue south to Ross Branch Road at 0.8 miles. Bear left 30 yards to Ross Station Road. Walk 40 yards to the right, and pick up the posted trail on the left.
Stroll between vineyards and a few farm houses, gradually descending past horse stables and corrals. Pass the Graton Sanitation Pond on the right, then cross a bridge over the creek and another bridge over a wetland pond.
Curve right, where the pavement ends, and follow the dirt path between a pond and a vineyard. Curve left through the Atascadero Marsh Ecological Reserve. Cross the wetland on a 160-yard boardwalk to Green Valley Road. This is the turn-around spot.
To extend the hike, walk a quarter mile to the left on Green Valley Road, picking up the trail again on the right. The path continues south 1.5 miles through the town of Graton to Occidental Road in Sebastopol.
Source: Robert Stone, “Day Hikes Around Sonoma” Second Edition (Day Hike Books, 2016)