Dear Abby: Group chat draws fire for sharing explicit photos

Dear Abby: I must take issue with your response to “Tired of Behinds” (Sept. 5), who was upset that her fiance is part of a men's group chat that includes the sending and receiving of pornographic images.

While “boys will be boys” has been the reigning excuse for male misbehavior for years - nay, centuries! - times are changing. “Tired” has every right to demand that her fiance behave respectfully toward women, both publicly and in private. He may not be able to change his friends' behavior, but he has control over his own and could demonstrate that he's not a boy, but a man who respects women for who they are, not their looks or perceived sexual value. Would he want others to look at his sister, his mother, his daughter or her that way? I doubt it.

Excusing “boys” for their misogyny only perpetuates our sexual assault culture. “Tired” should take a long look at her fiance's behavior and decide whether or not he is the kind of man she wants to share her life with.

- Wants a Better World for My Daughter

Dear Wants: Most, but not all, of the many women - and men - who commented on that letter agree with you. Read on:

Dear Abby: Your response supported the idea that for men to bond and feel like “real men,” they need to advertise to each other their sexual interest in women other than their spouses, and women need to tolerate it. The practice is hurtful and disrespectful. How can a woman feel like her fiance's friends care about her welfare if they're sending naked photos of other women to him? It seems women's feelings don't matter at all in this bonding ritual. Furthermore, the men don't have to touch these other women to have a “sexual experience” with them.

- Tired of “Boys” in Tucson

Dear Abby: Speaking as a man who has been part of multiple “men's groups,” as well as happily married for many years, I find “Tired's” fiance's chat group to be inappropriate, just as she does - particularly the group icon picture. I respect women as people, not physical/sexual objects. He should speak up out of respect for women. Doing so could influence one or more of his friends to rethink their position.

- William in Oregon

Dear Abby: If these are solicited photos, as the writer suggests, privately sent and then shared in a group, it is illegal in most states. You cannot share nude photos of someone without her/his expressed consent. Perhaps “Tired” should inform her fiance of that!

- Emily in Michigan