Crab feed season in Sonoma County

When it comes to the art of dissecting crabs, there are really only two camps: The pick-and-eat grazers and the pick-and-save squirrels.

"My wife eats as she picks the crab, and I make a big pile and eat it all at the end," says Ron Welsh director of the Sebastopol Masonic Lodge Crab Feed.

Or as Petaluma 7-11 Lions Club crab feed director Ron Hammer puts it, "There are the gluttons and the hoarders."

Welcome to January on the North Coast - when crab is king, not only on the plate but in the pocketbooks of nonprofits as benefit crab feeds are held across the region.

"It's our biggest fundraiser of the year," says Denise Fossi, chairwoman of the Santa Rosa High School Foundation Crab Feed.

In Bodega, where crab boats have been unloading 35,000 pounds per trip, they tweak tradition with a Crab Cioppino Feed. At Kendall Jackson winery, they call it a "Crab Fete." Piner High throws a crab dance. And, in Rohnert Park, they annoint a guy named "Captain Bob" to run the show.

But wherever you go, you have to have a strategy:

Rule No. 1: Agreed on by salty dogs and crabby vets alike: Don't get stuffed on pasta, bread and salad before the crustaceans arrive. It's called a "Crab Feed" for a reason.

"It's an old chef's trick," admits Welsh, although he promises that the 1,200 pounds of crab at the Sebastopol Masonic Center Spark Plug Crab Feed will hit the table "about 20 or 30 minutes" after everyone is seated.

So be patient. Nibble on salad and a slice of bread, but save room for the reason for the season.

Rule No. 2: If you're really serious, you'll bring a crab pick collection, at very least a walnut cracker.

"I bring a really neat set of silver picks that came from my great-grandparents," says Welsh.

Tip: If you're too poor for picks and crackers and want to go old-school do-it-yourself, use the spindly, pointed crab legs as picks. They work just fine for prying out the lump meat.

Rule No. 3: If you love drowning your crab in melted butter, there's no better way than firing up your own Sterno. But the building code in most vets halls doesn't allow an open flame.

"Yeah, we were told we had to stop that after the first year," says Fossi.

So bring your own butter and ask for it to be heated, or melt butter at home and bring it in a Thermos.

Rule No. 4: Make it a party and decorate your table. Every year, the truly hardcore groups take over their table and deck it out with placemats, tablecloths, ribbons, flowers and silverware.

"For the first time this year, we're holding a contest to see who has the best decorated table," says Petaluma 7-11 Lions Club Crab Feed organizer Jim Jenakes.

But enough with all the rules. So you can start sharpening your picks and tucking in your bibs, here's a breakdown of crab feeds over the next few months:

Santa Rosa High School Foundation Crab Feed: 5:30 p.m. today, Santa Rosa Veterans Memorial Hall, 1351 Maple Ave., Santa Rosa. Bonus: Clam chowder and raffle prizes. Tickets: $55. Information: 571-7747

Rohnert Park Chamber of Commerce Crab Feed: 5 p.m. Saturday, Rohnert Park Community Center, 5401 Snyder Lane, Rohnert Park. Bonus: "Captain Bob" is your host. Tickets: $50 adults, $20 kids 12 and under. Information: 584-1415

Bodega Bay Grange Annual Crab Cioppino Feed: Jan. 15 - call for seating times; Bodega Bay Grange, 1370 Bodega Ave., Bodega Bay. Bonus: Four seatings; founded in 1953. Tickets: $40 per person. Information: 875-3616

Kendall Jackson Chardonnay and Crab Fete: 6 p.m. Jan. 20; 5007 Fulton Road, Santa Rosa. Tip: Order now, because it always sells out. Bonus: Lovely setting. Tickets: $75 per person, $65 wine club members. Information: (800) 769-3649

Active 20-30 of the Redwood Empire Crab Feed: 6 p.m. Jan. 21; St. Eugene's Cathedral, 2323 Montgomery Drive, Santa Rosa. Bonus: Complimentary soft drinks and silent auction. Tickets: $45. Information: 953-5034

Petaluma 7-11 Lions Club Crab Feed: Noon and 7 p.m. Jan. 21; Veterans Memorial Building, 1094 Petaluma Blvd., Petaluma. Bonus: Raffle. Tickets: $35 lunch, $40 dinner. Information: 763-0564

Piner High School Booster Crab Feed Dinner and Dance: 5 p.m. Jan. 21; Santa Rosa Veterans Memorial Building, 1351 Maple Ave., Santa Rosa. Bonus: Live music by Blue Heat. Tickets: $45 per person. Information: 836-9735

Sebastopol Masonic Center Spark Plug Crab Feed: Jan. 21; Masonic Hall, 373 N. Main St., Sebastopol. Time: Two seatings - 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. Bonus: Check out the "famous" Cianfichi pasta; raises money for public schools. Tickets: $38 advance, $45 door, $19 kids 6-12, kids under 6 are free. Information: 823-2533

Montgomery High School Crab Feed: 5:30 p.m. Jan. 28; St. Eugene's Becker Center, 2323 Montgomery Drive, Santa Rosa. Bonus: Silent auction and balloon pop. Tickets: $45, $50 after Jan. 15th; Information: 528-5191

Dunham Elementary School PTO Crab Feed: 5:30 p.m. Jan. 28; Hermann Sons Hall, 860 Western Ave., Petaluma. Tickets: $40. Phone: 795-5050.

Boys and Girls Clubs of Central Sonoma County Crab Feed: 5:30 p.m. Jan. 28; Windsor Clubhouse Gym, 9640 Brooks Road S., Windsor. Tickets: $50. Information: 528-7977 ext.108

Boys and Girls Club Crustacean Celebration Show: 5:30 p.m. Feb. 4; 203 Maria Drive, Petaluma. Bonus: Live and silent auction, dancing. Tickets: $65. Information: 769-5322

Great Sonoma Crab and Wine Fest: 5 p.m. Feb. 4; Sonoma County Fairgrounds, 1350 Bennett Valley Road, Santa Rosa. Bonus: Benefits the Sonoma County Farm Bureau. Tickets: $75. Information: 544-5575

Sbragia Family Vineyards Crab Feed: 5 p.m. Feb. 4; 9990 Dry Creek Road, Geyserville. Tickets: $90, $65 wine club members. Information: 473-2992 x12

Sebastopol Rotary Crab Feed: 5 p.m. and 7 p.m. Feb. 11; 7960 Mill Station Road, Sebastopol. Bonus: Clam chowder, benefits education grants program. Tickets: $50. Information: 823-4087

Kenwood Firemen's Association Crab Feed: 5:30 p.m. Feb. 11; 9045 Sonoma Highway, Kenwood. Bonus: Oyster appetizers. Tickets: $45 per person. Information: 833-2440

Petaluma Rotary Club Crab Feed: 5 p.m. Feb.17; Veterans Memorial Building, 1094 Petaluma Blvd., Petaluma. Tickets: Call (800) 937-5799 for prices.

Valley of the Moon Rotary Crab Feed: 5 p.m. Feb. 25; 6575 Oakmont Drive, Santa Rosa. Tickets: $45. Information: 537-8603

Bay Area freelancer John Beck writes about entertainment for The Press Democrat. You can reach him at 280-8014, john@sideshowvideo.com and follow on Twitter @becksay.