Santa Rosa parents struggle to cope with 3-year-old's brain cancer

To relieve the fluid accumulation and pressure, three small holes in his head were created. Dr. Gupta, examining the CT scan, saw clear definition around the tumor, no spider web-like tentacles that would indicate a malignancy. It very well could be benign but there was only one way to be sure. A biopsy was performed March 2.

"It was the size of a half a grain of rice," Wagner said of the section removed.

The news was not good.

"Dr. Gupta said it was not as he thought," Wagner said. "The surface of the tumor wasn't smooth. It was bumpy. It was not encapsulated."

"It's a cancer that's really aggressive," Gupta said. An operation was necessary. The tumor was sitting above and behind the pineal gland, and the doctors would reach it through a 5-inch incision in the back of Nate's head. It would take four hours for the surgeons to reach the tumor.

Wagner's first question popped right out.

"Is he going to live?"

There may be some developmental issues, Gupta warned. Nate's eyes might not work together. Yes, there was always the most serious risk.

"He never used the word &‘die,' " Wagner said. "He said he might not wake up. But he also said in all the years he had been doing this he had not lost a patient. So the way I looked at it, Dr. Gupta was undefeated."

Nate went into the operating room at 6:30 a.m. Tuesday, the surgery beginning two hours later after prep.

At 6:30 p.m., Gupta met with the Wagners to tell them that the surgery "went very well. I got more (tumor) out than I thought."

How much? Unknown. That's why the chemotherapy. In two weeks, Nate will have six weeks of chemo, five days a week, followed by a three- to four-week break, then another cycle of chemo and rest, and another cycle, until a year-and-a-half has been completed.

"We may be able to go back home, we may not," Wagner said. "All depends on how Nate responds."

This is going to be a long haul. Six blocks from UC San Francisco is a house for relatives of critically ill children. The Wagners work in shifts. One sleeps while the other stays at Nate's bedside. It's been that way since Feb. 26. Cat's mom, Marilyn Forgie of Novato, has given her daughter a break. Lenny's mom, JoAnn Wagner, came up from Orange County on Saturday. The Wagners never want Nate to wake up without a family member present.

"Once, since this began, I got six hours of sleep at a time," Cat Wagner said. "Once."

Lenny Wagner is taking the rest of this semester off at SRJC, maybe longer.

"I have thousands of sick-time hours," he said. "I haven't taken a day off in 10 years."

Money is currently not an issue because of SRJC's insurance coverage. Wagner said the hospital bill has reached a million dollars for the past 16 days.

"Nate's coverage extends to $5 million," Wagner said. "I hope we never have to reach that amount."

Wagner is stunned and humbled at the outpouring of support his family has received.

Relatives, friends, acquaintances, people on the periphery, people not even on the periphery have responded. It was like his son opened a vein, as it were, in people. Sure, maybe it was that Nate was 3 and no 3-year-old should have to go through this. But this was Wagner's kid and he couldn't help but notice they were responding to him as well as Nate.

"Nate has inspired people," Wagner said.

"I'm not much of a book reader," said Wagner, 40, "but (SSU's baseball coach) John Goelz gave me this book, &‘The Traveler's Gift.' It is an incredible book. I would recommend it to anyone who is in this kind of tough situation. It takes the point of looking for the upside on things."

It is something, Wagner admitted, he has done with his life since Nate was diagnosed.

"I've always been cynical about people, being out for themselves, that nobody really cares," Wagner said. "This experience has opened up my eyes. People that I might have had zero respect for have done things for us that have made me take a step back and re-evaluate. It has really made me stop and think."

Wagner paused, caught his breath and continued, explaining how he became jaded.

"Like I said, I've lost a lot of friends in my life," he said. "I've lost my dad and two stepdads. Just this last Christmas, I lost a friend who was killed in a car accident. When I grew in Fullerton, there were five of us that hung out all the time. Only two of us are left."

And then there was Torey Shinault. Needing a place to stay, Shinault hung with the Wagner family for three years. Shinault and Wagner shared the same bed all that time because family accommodations were limited.

"Torey was a great athlete, super smart kid, loads of personality," Wagner said. "He was killed in a motorcycle accident when he was 18."

When Wagner heard that his son had the tumor he kept thinking to himself, "Here we go again."

But knowing he is not alone in the ICU, knowing that a small stadium of people are out there in support, Wagner has experienced a kind of peace he previously would have thought unimaginable given the situation.

"This changes you," he said. "You can't help it."

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A trust fund has been set up in Nate's name. Anyone interested can e-mail Wagner's mother-in-law, Marilyn Forgie, at marilyn352@verizon.net for details.

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For more on North Bay sports go to Bob Padecky's blog at padecky.blogs.pressdemocrat.

com. You can reach Staff Columnist Bob Padecky at 521-5223 or bob.padecky@

pressdemocrat.com.