GUEST OPINION: Lessons learned too late

Sonoma County family law attorneys are shaking our heads wondering how this could have happened on our watch. Two parents are dead, four children are parentless, a second-grade class has lost its teacher, and the justice system is sick at heart.

Is it the fault of the judge who didn't issue a restraining order? Did the victim fail to recognize the danger, or was she too embarrassed to pursue it? Did attorneys she consulted fail to counsel her that repeated blow-ups and calls to the police every three or four months were a sign of a ticking time bomb in the family? Or were the police to blame for not connecting the dots and failing to mention in their report to the district attorney that there were guns in the home and these calls were coming in a steady pattern from this home?

Kevin Conover, 41, shot his wife, Kimberly Baucom Conover, 43, then turned the gun on himself on April 15, in a quiet business district of sleepy Petaluma. Kim Conover had gone to prepare an application for a restraining order, after beginning the legal process four times in the previous year. None of those applications had produced a restraining order, having either been denied by the courts or the police or abandoned by herself.

The murder-suicide outside Jeff Zimmerman's law office is the event each of us fears and dreads in our practice of family law. We wonder each time a client comes to us complaining of domestic violence.

"Is this person in danger, or is she/he exaggerating? Does he/she have a bone to pick? Is it just a garden-variety spat, or is this person really at risk? How will I sleep at night if it turns out I didn't do all I could to help someone get the protection she/he needed?"

No one person is to blame, yet we all share responsibility. Children, we try in vain to comfort you in your terrible loss.

Jeff, our hearts go out to you, that you have to bear this burden and the memory will undoubtedly remain with you forever. Judges and district attorneys, please err on the side of caution - if in doubt, do issue the restraining order. It's not a perfect system, but it would have gotten the guns out of the home, if properly enforced. Now it's too late for Kim Conover's children and students, and too many hearts are broken.

Attorneys, we have to do better. We have to ask the right questions, pursue the right orders and caution our clients not to back down from demanding protection or pressing charges. We have to realize that it can happen here and do our best to see that it doesn't happen again.

If you are the victim of domestic violence, or believe that your partner is unreasonably angry, jealous or controlling, talk to the police, a family law attorney, or contact Legal Aid of Sonoma County or the Family Justice Center.

Carol A. Gorenberg is a Santa Rosa-based family law attorney.