Jimmie Lewis’s ‘Holy Relationship’

Sonoma author and licensed psychotherapist Jimmie Lewis would like all couples to discover the depth of intimacy he shared with his late wife, Barbara.

It’s possible, he said, by exploring fears and self-doubts. It’s not an easy journey, but one rich with rewards.

Lewis, author of “A Holy Relationship: The Memoir of One Couple’s Transformation,” explained that couples benefit from truly opening up to one another. He knows this personally from the 22-year relationship he shared with his beloved wife, who died four years ago.

She and Lewis were professional partners, co-authored two books together and found deep love and spiritual awareness as a couple after both were married twice before.

Lewis said he was terrified when Barbara told him, “We’re going to have to learn to say anything to each other.”

She could recognize their disconnections and knew the value of addressing them.

“She always knew if we were in or out of balance,” Lewis said. “She was always wanting us to balance our relationship.”

Through honesty and looking at their own unconscious sense of self, they were able to recognize their defenses, Lewis said. He said he felt “there’s something wrong with me” and “she felt pain because she felt invisible.”

The “power of paradox” and the “power of vulnerability” were freeing for both as they fully opened up to one another.

“It just changed my life completely,” Lewis said. “It hurts us to hide our pain inside.”

The couple was able to hone the greatest wisdom from their research of numerous religions and philosophies, Buddhism and Zen among them.

There is just one love, Lewis said, that of “our spirit.” Transforming fears can lead to a deeper understanding of one’s inner power and a genuine love.

The couple did thesis research on their own relationship, with each serving as co-researcher for the other’s thesis. Lewis holds a master’s of arts in counseling psychology and an MBA.

He said his relationship with Barbara was a “sacred path” of spiritual awareness and a road to genuine intimacy, which he calls “into-me-see.”

Though initially scary to delve deep inside - and perhaps acknowledge childhood self-doubts or seemingly defective messages from parents - the process is freeing.

Shedding judgments and embracing self-worth and a spiritual awareness can lead to richer relationships, he said.

Judgment “takes you away from who you really are inside. Love doesn’t have a scintilla of judgment in it.”

Lewis will read from his book from 4-6 p.m. Jan. 25 at Book Passage, 51 Tamal Vista Blvd., Corte Madera, (415) 927-0960, bookpassage.com.

For more information about his work, visit jimmielewis.com.