Interfaith dialogue on death and dying in Sonoma

Spiritual leaders across Sonoma Valley are addressing an inevitable topic that affects everyone but that few want to consider - aspects of death and dying.

The Sonoma Valley Ministerial Association will present an interfaith forum on the topic to raise awareness of resources, promote community dialogue and help people develop coping strategies.

“Death and Dying: Coping with the Complex and Sensitive Issues” is offered free of charge from 6:30 to 8 p.m. Wednesday in Burlingame Hall at First Congregational Church of Sonoma, 252 W. Spain St., Sonoma. All ages are welcome.

The ecumenical and interfaith assembly of 20 ministers and ministries, including a Hospice by the Bay chaplain, represents a broad foundation of religions working together to serve the community.

Pulling from their combined wisdom and experiences, the forum will look at commonalities rather than faith-specific responses to death and dying.

“Some principles are universal,” said Rabbi Steve Finley of Congregation Shir Shalom, one of five spiritual leaders planning the event.

Fellow planner Joanne Martin Braun of Sonoma Shambhala Center likens the experience to being in a boat together.

“We’re all in this together. We’re in this boat and it’s a tender boat,” she said.

The forum will explore relationships with friends and family, communicating with someone who is dying, and dealing with one’s own mortality.

Ministerial association members will facilitate brief discussion groups following the presentations. The program will end with refreshments and an opportunity for more dialogue.

Finley and Braun say people can tend to avoid reaching out to those in mourning or who are newly diagnosed with a life-threatening illness because they fear seeming awkward or inappropriate.

“It’s not because we’re bad people. It’s simply because we don’t know what to say,” Braun said.

Being aware and understanding and just providing a human connection can be helpful, Finley and Braun say. Being sincere and authentic can make a world of difference.

“If you’re human, you’re qualified,” Finley said.

He suggests listening for messages and responding to the situation. Some people may prefer taking a quiet walk with a friend, while others may want to be surrounded by loved ones and conversation. Watch for clues and respond appropriately, Finley stresses.

He and Braun say there isn’t always a clear path for dealing with death and dying. Family dynamics can be complicated by feelings of guilt or blame, with siblings feeling stressed or overwhelmed when coping with the pending death of a parent.

The forum “will recognize some of the universal responses,” Braun said, and provide opportunities for addressing those common threads.

No two people are expected to respond to death and dying in the same manner. Finley and Braun believe there is always an opportunity to learn from the passing of a loved one, however.

By acknowledging that life is short and living each day to the fullest, we can honor the memory of a friend or family member, they say.

Regardless of attendees’ religious preferences, “it’s about getting along and moving forward and being healthy,” Finley said.

For more information, email Kathryn Stark at kstark@hospicebythebay.org