Close to Home: When there is no place else to go

In 2011, I was in a dark, dark place of total defeat: unemployed, unskilled, addicted, unable to care for my son — and alienated from friends and family.

I came to the Committee on the Shelterless (COTS) because I had nowhere else to go. My dad dropped me off at the shelter in April after my husband finally locked me out of our house.

I was afraid. I thought that shelters were noisy, dangerous places — that I'd be out on the streets during the day, unsupported, trying to hang on to my sobriety, my sanity and all my belongings.

Instead, I found a community where I could rebuild my life and my self-respect and gain the skills I needed to succeed in the world.

The only thing I knew was that I needed to survive and to work so that I could reunite with my son.

COTS helped me triage my life. I participated in the relapse prevention course and went to the Alano Club for more meetings. The Alano Club was also where I saw my son. My family members would bring him there to visit me.

Through the agency's partnership with Petaluma People Services Center, COTS was able to allow me to work with a therapist — probably the most important step I took to recover. Meeting regularly with a COTS case manager was almost as important. My case managers helped me stay on track, and when things got tough, they reminded me of how far I'd come.

COTS arranged for David Gardner, a volunteer lawyer, to help me clear up my credit. I participated in the agency's expungment clinic and was able to put some traffic offenses behind me so that I could drive again.

I hadn't worked in a decade, and wasn't sure how I was going to earn a living. COTS enrolled me in Work Ready, where I created a resume, practiced interview skills and learned about professionalism. The agency hired me to work at the front desk temporarily and helped me apply for family housing so that I could reunite with my son.

Once in family housing, I took Kids First, a COTS-developed parenting class that helped me understand my son's temperament and stages of development and adopt strategies to help him thrive. Just as important, the class helped me examine and analyze the way I'd been parented. I was able to hold on to the good techniques and discard the others.

Classes didn't stop with Kids First. I graduated from Rent Right, a financial literacy and tenant education class. Seventeen months after I walked through the doors of COTS' Mary Isaak Center, my son and I celebrated Christmas 2012 in our own home. I had a full-time job, $2,000 in the bank, my son and my self-respect — all of this because there was somewhere for me to go, a resource that saved my life. I am forever grateful.

My son is a junior in high school now, and I've reconnected with family members. I now work for a Marin County nonprofit, helping developmentally delayed adults learn life skills. It is joyous work, and I am good at it.

I think about my time at COTS every day. Shelter and food were important, but if it hadn't been for all the programs and support, I don't know if I would have rejoined the world. Because of my experience at COTS and because of every staff member who supported me, I was able to grow and move forward.

Vanessa Hoen lives in Petaluma. For information about COTS, go to cots-homeless.org.