Candidates playing possum

Election season! Tension mounts!

Longtime public servants are aware that the least little slip and they could be out the door.

Forced, like ousted House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, to labor in the sweatshops of the investment banking industry.

With $1.4 million in signing bonuses. Do you think that’s why he quit the House early, people?

I totally believed he just wanted to give his successor a head start.

I digress. We’re talking today about democracy. And debates. Candidates should all feel obliged to debate their opponents. It’s a sign of respect to the public. Even for incumbents who are so safe that they could get caught having an assignation with an armadillo and still get 60 percent of the vote.

Our fixation on debates goes back to that Illinois Senate race when Abraham Lincoln faced off seven times against Stephen Douglas. Their battles were so electric that Lincoln published transcripts in a book, which his fans scooped up eagerly.

Voters today may wonder why their Senate debates can’t be like Lincoln-Douglas. Senate candidates today may wonder why their audiences can’t be like the ones in 1858, when people sat enthralled while one man spoke for 60 minutes, followed by a 90-minute response and then a final 30-minute comeback.

This year, control of the Senate hinges on the outcome of a handful of states. Almost all of them are going to involve debates, and I can pretty much guarantee none of them will later be published as best-selling books.

Several have already degenerated into debates about the debates. Former Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman, a Republican, said his successor, Democrat Al Franken, gave the state a “big middle corn dog” when Franken declined the traditional debate at the Minnesota State Fair.

That state fair can be a pretty rowdy venue. I know you think all Minnesotans are calm and well-behaved, but really, give them enough deep-fried foods and they can get carried away.

Franken, who did spend seven days campaigning at the fair, posing for selfies and eating what his campaign spokesperson said was a large quantity of roasted Minnesota sweet corn, has done one debate and is scheduled for three more, so I don’t think he can be accused of dissing his constituents.

However, it’s sort of sad when the old political traditions fall by the wayside.

This year in Florida, the gubernatorial candidates failed to show up for the annual Wausau Possum Festival, which is usually a must-show event. Perhaps Gov. Rick Scott and Democrat Charlie Crist don’t like possums.

Maybe they were averse to the custom of politicians walking onstage and dangling the animals by their tails. Really, it’s the kind of thing that can come back to bite you.

We have mixed feelings about the possums. However, we do want debates. Even if we are planning to totally ignore them, we want our candidates out there.

And, in most of the major races, they’re ready to go. Although in Michigan, the Republican Senate candidate, Terri Lynn Land, is pursuing a kind of stealth strategy, in which she seems to become less and less visible as the campaign goes on. Her opponent, Rep. Gary Peters, appeared on the date of a previously scheduled debate this week, sharing the stage with an empty chair before an enthusiastic crowd of more than 30 people.

“This is not the ideal format,” he understated.

The empty chair is the traditional prop in these circumstances. However in Alabama, where Gov. Robert Bentley is resisting debates, Democrat Parker Griffith has been toting around an inflatable duck.

I have fond memories of a New York City mayoral candidate waving a rubber chicken that was supposed to be the absent Rudy Giuliani.

Giuliani’s defense was that he didn’t want to appear in debates that included distracting third-party candidates. This is a longstanding argument.

Do you want to watch the Democrat and Republican go head-to-head? Or do you want to be inclusive? And, if so, how far are you prepared to go? Right now in North Carolina, the Senate hopefuls include a former town councilman who is best known for having submitted his resignation letter in Klingon.

“I’ve been in many debates that I think were a disservice to democracy,” Gov. Andrew Cuomo of New York said during this year’s gubernatorial primary.

He was perhaps referring to his run for governor in 2010, when he wound up on stage with six other candidates, including a woman whose claim to fame was running a prostitution ring and the nominee of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party.

There are some problems with Cuomo’s analysis, only one of which is that he was using it as an excuse to avoid any debates whatsoever during the primary this year.

While the thing with the madam and the rent guy was pretty weird, that was possibly the most memorable gubernatorial debate in state history.

And, of course, we appreciated that everybody had the decency to show up.

Gail Collins is a columnist for the New York Times.