Lowell Cohn: Loss to Jets seals it — 49ers need a top-to-bottom overhaul

SANTA CLARA - After the 49ers gutless, inept, putrid, pathetic, horrid, unspeakable, you-want-to-die-laughing loss to the crummy New York Jets, the Niners need to fire, in the near future, Chip Kelly, Trent Baalke, Colin Kaepernick and Jed York.

Am I missing anybody?

But before we get serious about dropping the ax, first this news item. Jason La Canfora of CBS Sports reported Baalke is likely out after this season, Kelly may be out and Jed could be shuffled off to other - read insignificant duties - by mommy and daddy after making a complete, embarrassing, amateurish mess of the once-great, once-San-Francisco 49ers.

All in favor of these moves raise a victory yell.

I'll start with Kelly because he is the living end. The biggest fraud coach I ever covered. With Jim Tomsula, you knew the poor guy was overmatched. But Kelly, who has an ego as big as Alaska, acts like he invented football. Acts like Bill Walsh, Tom Landry and Don Shula couldn't hold his clipboard.

What a phony. Sure, he has a bad roster. Sure, that's Baalke's fault. But Sunday's loss wasn't due to Baalke alone. It was due to bad, unimaginative, cowardly coaching. And that's on the Chipster.

His team jumped to a big lead over the Jets who didn't want to play. Certainly seemed like it. And then the Niners died. Wimped out. Did not score a single point in the second half or overtime. Got outscored 20-0 once the second half started. Rolled over and played dead. And that's on the Chipster.

Chip dominated in the first half but made zero adjustments in the second half as usual. That is on him. Not on anyone else. Not on Baalke or the Easter Bunny. That's on Chip all by himself. He is a very bad coach.

Afterward, he gave typical mealy-mouthed answers to the media. He excels at making excuses. It's the best part of his game. He said the Niners didn't do well in the second half because of injuries.

He actually had the nerve to blame injuries. Where's his pride? Forget that the Jets lost starting safety Marcus Gilchrist, starting running back Matt Forte and starting tight end Brandon Bostick. Everyone loses players. Nobody cares. You keep playing. It is so weak to blame injuries, the mark of a coach who does not belong. Chip Kelly is weak - weaker than Tomsula ever was.

I asked him why the team always goes in the dumper in the second half - although my language was more polite. He song-and-danced around it for a while, gave a nothing answer. He specializes in no answer. I pressed him, said it's a continuing pattern of futility. “I look at it game by game,” he lectured me like the most boring high-school history teacher anyone ever had.

Game by game? No, dude, you have to look at the big picture. The relevant patterns. You learn and adjust.

Sorry, but Chip talks and acts like a loser. His record screams to the world, Loser!

Enough of him.

The Niners absolutely must fire Baalke. He's as bad as Chip. What a pair to run a football operation. His drafts are unspeakable. His roster smells like dead fish. He has no idea how to create a team. He doesn't understand offense.

I like Baalke. Certainly more than I like Chip, who never takes responsibility for anything. But Baalke has to go. I bet he agrees.

Understand this. When the 49ers hire a new general manager, this new man - if he's in his right mind - will fire Chip immediately. A serious GM wants his own head coach, certainly not an excuse-making bumbler.

The 49ers need to fire Kaepernick. Another fraud. After games - after he's stunk out another second half - he says two things. “We've got to make plays.” The alternate version is, “We've got to execute.”

That's usually in response to why the Niners flop in the second half. As if that mindless talking explains anything. Of course, he needs to make plays. Kaepernick plays like a high schooler in second halves. He can't find receivers. He runs when he should pass. He's another loser. Sorry, but he is. There is no excuse for him. Gone.

And Jed. The worst. Mommy and daddy gave him a toy - it happens to be a team - and he broke it. Smashed it to pieces. Mommy and daddy need to take away the toy and allow Jed to schedule concerts and Wrestlemania at Levi's but never - not ever - put his mitts on the football team. Gone.

John and Denise need to bring in a serious, grownup, competent GM who's connected in the league. And then John and Denise need to go on a world tour and never talk to the GM or text him. Just leave him and the team alone. Pretty much what Mark Davis did with Reggie McKenzie, although Mark didn't get banished to a world tour.

Oh, one other thing. La Canfora wrote the 49ers may bring in Mike Shanahan as coach or as an executive. No. No. No.

I know Shanahan. I like Shanahan. But his day is over. Same with Mike Holmgren. The 49ers need someone younger and more dynamic than Shanahan, who flopped as coach in Washington and really has no pedigree in the personnel side of football.

He has been out of the league three seasons. He is not current. It's not like an NFL team will give him access to its scouting department files or the pro personnel director's information. He can talk to contacts around the league, but knowing that he may be seeking employment, they won't give him the real inside dope. He is an outsider.

The 49ers can do better. Need to do better. They have so much at stake. The stadium was half full for the Jets. Believe me, half full. Levi's will be half full or worse if the 49ers don't eliminate the losers, show the fans and the players they are intent on winning.

To come back next season with the same sorry coaching/management group or even part of it would be like original sin. Biting the apple and choking on it.

For more on the world of sports in general and the Bay Area in particular, go to the Cohn Zohn at cohn.blogs.pressdemocrat.com. You can reach Staff Columnist Lowell Cohn at lowell.cohn@pressdemocrat.com.