Cohn: 49ers suffer from Jedism mind tricks

Today we talk Jedisms.

Jedisms are things Jed York says.

Jed went on the NFL Network. Talk, Jed.

Jedism No. 1:

“What a lot of people don’t get is you’ve got Geep (Chryst) as your OC (offensive coordinator), you’ve got Eric (Mangini) as your DC (defensive coordinator). Both guys that Jim Harbaugh hired. I think that’s a testament to Jim Harbaugh that we are keeping a lot of continuity from his staff that’s had a lot of success.”

Hear Jed use football lingo - OC and DC. Can you say OC and DC?

Hear Jed say the new, unimproved coaching staff is “a testament to Jim Harbaugh.” Hear a load of BS about the HC and OC and DC.

In my very humble opinion (IMVHO), a testament to Jim Harbaugh would have been keeping Jim Harbaugh. It would not have been promoting some cheap Harbaugh knockoffs.

Another testament to Jim Harbaugh would have been keeping Vic Fangio and Mike Solari and Brad Seely - the really good coaches Harbaugh hired and Jed fired. These other guys - call them Jimmy T and The Remainders - could be the worst staff in the NFL.

That’s some kind of testament, Jed.

Oh, one other thing. A while back, Harbaugh wrote this tweet: “Congrats to Bears, Raiders, Bills, Great Coaches and men, John Fox, Jack Del Rio, Rex! And Home Run hires Vic Fangio, Brad Seely, Greg Roman.”

Somehow, Harbaugh never mentioned Jimmy T and The Remainders. Maybe they weren’t a home run. Maybe they were a bunt single. Maybe they were a 6-4-3 double play. Maybe they were a strikeout looking.

Jedism No. 2:

“When you look at Geep, he’s the closest to our quarterback as anyone on the staff. You look at the guys on that staff, Chris Foerster, an unbelievable offensive line coach who has been a coordinator. (Tight ends coach) Tony Sparano, who’s been a coordinator, who’s been a head coach. You have (running backs coach) Tom Rathman, you have (quarterbacks coach) Steve Logan, who’s been a great teacher. And you’re going to have people that understand what we do well, and put our players in a position to make plays.”

Listen to Jed praise new OC Geep Chryst, quarterbacks coach the previous four seasons. See Geep coach Colin Kaepernick. See Kaepernick regress in 2014. Coach, Geep, coach.

Listen to Jed praise offensive line coach Chris Foerster, whom the Niners let go in 2010 and replaced with Mike Solari, the man whom the Niners let go and replaced with Chris Foerster a few weeks ago.

Does your head hurt just thinking about that?

Listen to Jed praise quarterbacks coach Steve Logan, the great teacher. See Steve Logan be out of the league the past three seasons. See the Niners make a desperate reach for their new QBs coach. See good candidates flee from them.

Jedism No. 3:

“And it’s very simple. You look at Seattle. They have a fairly simple philosophy on both sides of the ball. They let their players make plays. There’s something to be said for that. And I think you’re going to see a lot of that from us. You’re going to see a lot of intensity, a lot of competition - but put our players in position to make plays.”

Hear Jed say Seattle’s philosophy is “fairly simple.” Hear Jed not know what he’s talking about.

Hear Jed say the new coaches will “put our players in position to make plays.” Hear Jed say that a lot. Is it a slap at Harbaugh? Did Harbaugh not put players in position to make plays? Is Jed in position to understand what it means to put players in position? Maybe Jed should have the position of OC or DC or HC instead of CEO.

Jedism No. 4:

“How many quarterbacks in this league can run 90 yards for a touchdown? I can’t think of many, but you have to put Kap in position where he can make those plays and put Kap in position where we can run the ball. We can throw the ball in ways that allow him to be successful and let him be the absolute stud that he can be on the field, and that’s what you’re going to see from us next year. Defenses are not going to want to play against us because you’re not going to know where we’re going to hit you.”

Hear Jed brag. Hear Jed say defenses will be afraid of the 49ers. Hear Jed talk football. It’s so cute. I never heard Eddie (My Uncle) DeBartolo talk football. Maybe (My Uncle) Eddie isn’t as smart as Jed. Maybe Uncle Eddie didn’t know how to build a winner like Jed does.

Did Jed have the nerve to talk football when Harbaugh was coach? We’re talking some nerve.

Listen to Jed say Kaepernick will run more. Run, Kap, run. Run like the wind. Read between the lines. Guess Kaepernick wanted to run more but Harbaugh wouldn’t let him. Bad Harbaugh. Harbaugh wanted Kaepernick to be a quarterback who, you know, throws the ball. Silly Harbaugh.

See Kaepernick run run run. See mean old Seattle strong safety Kam Chancellor blast Kaepernick. See Kaepernick fall down.

Jedism No. 5:

“We’re here to win championships and I don’t expect that to skip a beat.”

Listen to Jed talk about championships. Hear him say the 49ers won’t skip a beat. When did Jed’s - or John’s - 49ers ever hit the beat? The 49ers won five championships before Jed and his parents arrived. None after.

The beat goes on.

For more on the world of sports in general and the Bay Area in particular, go to the Cohn Zohn at cohn.blogs.pressdemocrat.com. You can reach Staff Columnist Lowell Cohn at lowell.cohn@pressdemocrat.com.