Did you see that an invasive species of fast-breeding giant rodents was poised to do a billion dollars in damage right here in the North Bay?
Which is strange because I didn’t know the Legislature was in session.
I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be comparing our politicians to giant rodents. It’s demeaning and insulting.
To the giant rodents.
Which, by the way, are called nutria, and which, by the way, are edible. Some even say they taste like turkey.
Which brings us to our Give The Editor The Bird turkey drive to benefit Redwood Empire Food Bank.
With a little more than a week until Thanksgiving, we’ve raised more than $65,000.
That means we’re only about $10,000 away from our goal. Which means I’ll have to kick in $1,000 of the money I get stealing office supplies and selling them on eBay.
It also means Press Democrat Publisher and Sonoma Media Investments CEO Eric Johnston will kick in $1,000 from the money he saves buying discount office supplies on eBay.
As astute readers will recall, those who donate $50 or more will be entered into a drawing to win fabulous prizes, like a wine tasting for six with former Press Democrat wine expert Peg Melnik.
And as even astute readers will recall, I also promised to reveal the amazing Bay Area sports personality that our second lucky winner will get to have beers with.
Our amazing sports personality has owed me for roughly a quarter of a century, not that I carry a grudge or anything.
Many of you will recall a frigid and wind-whipped ball yard called Candlestick Park, where a guy named Stu Miller was actually blown off the pitcher’s mound during the 1961 All-Star Game.
Night games were especially brutal, and the proof was in the attendance stats in the box scores.
Sometime in the 1980s, the Giants’ marketing geniuses came up with the idea of bestowing a literal badge of honor upon fans who made it through an extra-inning night game.
It was called the “Croix de Candlestick,” and it was emblazoned with the phrase Vini, Vidi, Vixi — I came, I saw, I survived.
No matter how many night games I spent shivering in my ski pants, I never came close to getting one. That is, until April 19, 1999. The Giants and Marlins were tied 4-4 in the eighth. I was six outs away and could sense a Croix was my destiny.
Then forever Giant Rich Aurilia hit a leadoff single. Then he stole second. Then he scored on an RBI double by Scott Servais.
No Croix for moi.
It was the only time I can remember being bummed at a Giants win.
To be fair, it wasn’t all Rich’s fault. Servais could have hit into a double play, or Rob Nen could have blown the save, I suppose.
Rich chuckled when I first told him the story when we met at a fundraiser last year.
And when I called him out of the blue and told him he could make it up to me by helping to Give the Editor the Bird, he happily agreed.
So there’s fabulous prize No. 2: beers with Rich Aurilia for you and a couple of friends.
His only condition was that the winner not be a psycho stalker, which I presume means someone who’s spent 25 years obsessing over not getting a pin for their Giants hat.
Sadly, Rich doesn’t remember that infamous game.
“You’d think I would because I only had like 19 stolen bases in my career,” he said.
Actually it was 23, but who’s counting? And maybe a couple of beers will jog his memory.
Which actually brings me to an observation by alert readers Anthony Tusler and Lyndi Brown of Penngrove, who pointed out that both of our fabulous prizes involve alcohol. They asked if we could come up with something a little less, well, alcoholic.
They have a point, so I began thinking, which as many of you know, is not something I usually do.
A friend suggested a round of golf, but I’m not much of a golf guy despite the fact that I can quote extensively from both “Caddyshack” and “Happy Gilmore.”
And truth be told, if I’m going to spend four hours whacking something with a club, I want to at least hear it scream and then be able to bury it in a shallow unmarked grave in the woods.
(Shark Tank idea: Expeditions where people pay to hunt nutria with golf clubs.)
Then again, I do like to hit things. So I called my taekwondo instructor, 8th degree black belt Josh Segal, owner of Segal’s ATA Martial Arts. I asked if he’d be willing to host a free self-defense session at his academy on Sonoma Avenue. He happily agreed, but only if I volunteer to be the practice dummy.
So there you have it. Two fabulous prizes, and a Shirley Temple (or Rob Roy) fabulous prize.
So dig deep and give me the bird early and often.
You can click here or go to refb.org/givethebird/ to donate.
John D’Anna is managing editor of The Press Democrat. Look for his book of nutria recipes due out next fall. In the meantime, follow him on X @azgreeday and on that newfangled Blue Sky @azgreenday.bsky.social.
