Dear Abby: Friend worries house rules might affect planned visit

Dear Abby: I have known “Gigi” since second grade. We have stayed in touch through the years, although more sporadically in the last two decades. Until 10 years ago, she would spend a week with us in the summer. She came three different times, and we had fun. We also visited her twice in California. I was married, but without kids then. Shortly after our first child was born, she started dating — and then living with — her boyfriend. I’m happy that she’s happy with him.

Soon after they began dating, Gigi asked about coming to visit, and I agreed, but said they would need to sleep in separate rooms at my house. She said yes, and I don’t think she was surprised because she has known me for so long. However, the plans didn’t work out (his schedule, she said) and they didn’t come. That was five years ago.

We were recently on the phone, and she asked about coming out. I told her I was glad to meet her boyfriend at last, and we set a date. Neither of us mentioned the sleeping arrangements, but I feel maybe I need to clarify again. I do not judge her, but I have made a decision that in my home I should never have to feel uncomfortable. Their sharing the same room would make me uncomfortable.

During the conversation five years ago, I told Gigi that if sleeping separately made them uncomfortable, we could see each other during the day and they could arrange to stay in a hotel or another friend’s home. She hasn’t mentioned her plans this time around, but right now it sounds like they intend to stay here. What should I do?

— House Rules in Utah

Dear Rules: Because Gigi and her boyfriend sharing a bedroom in your house would still make you uncomfortable, call her and explain that although they are welcome, your feelings on the subject of sleeping arrangements haven’t changed. This is NOT a discussion you should have upon their arrival.