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Dear Abby: Husband upset over wife's secret tattoo

Wife shocks husband with secret tattoo

Dear Abby: After 32 years of marriage, my wife went out and got a tattoo on her shoulder. It's about 8 inches by 6 inches (quite large), and she did it without any advance discussion with me, which has left me sort of shocked. Her position is that it's her body and she'll do what she wants. This has driven a wedge between us, and I'm not sure if we can move forward. What is your advice?

- Unmarked in Nevada Dear Unmarked: To me, what's important is not that your wife got the tattoo without discussing it with you, but her motive for doing it in secret. My advice is to do nothing in haste or in anger. Try to get her to explain to you what the tattoo symbolizes to her, because it may be important. After that, whether you decide to move forward - or move out - is something only you can decide.

Adoptive families can celebrate with special day

Dear Abby: As parents of an adopted child, we were concerned about when we would have “the conversation.” Then a neighbor told us about how they would celebrate “Gotcha Day” with their adopted daughter each year.

Gotcha Day is a day to celebrate because it's the day we became a family. We “adopted” their idea and have been doing something special on this day since before our child could even say the word “gotcha.”

Early on, she had no idea what we were celebrating; she just knew it was a special day for us. Through the years, she was able to process exactly what it meant at her own pace, which relieved the need to ever have that dreaded conversation. Recently our daughter told us she loves this day more than her actual birthday!

I thought I'd share this with other adoptive parents who worry about when the right time might be to explain to their child that they were prayed for, wanted, loved and adopted.

- Blessed Parents in Pennsylvania Dear Blessed Parents: I had never heard of anything like this, but I think it's a great concept and certainly worth sharing with my readers. Thank you!

Write Dear Abby at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles 90069 or www.DearAbby.com.

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