Dear Abby: Loving relationship stops short of intimacy
Dear Abby: I recently met a man, and I have fallen in love with him. He says he feels the same way and tells me often that I treat him better than anybody ever has.
Unfortunately, when the time came to move our relationship to an intimate level, I found my attraction to him was one-sided. When I asked him why, he said he did not find me desirable because of my weight. He also mentioned that in the past he had always dated “Barbie dolls” who did him wrong, so he decided to look for something different, and that’s when he found me.
I don’t understand how you can love someone and not desire them. What are your thoughts?
— One-Sided in Texas
Dear One-Sided: This man may love your many attributes — intelligence, honesty, sense of humor, etc. — but he is not IN love. If you want a romantic relationship, you need to find someone who values you for YOURSELF — inside and out. Give him marks for honesty and send him back to his Barbie dolls because you deserve better.
Dear Abby: My friend has an adult child with a drug addiction. Sometimes when we are together, this child will call begging for money. My friend gives in every time. She feels terrible about doing it but can’t seem to say no. She has attended several Nar-Anon meetings, but no longer wants to go because she says it’s depressing. As a friend, what’s the best way to support her?
— Her Caring Friend
Dear Friend: Although those meetings may be “depressing,” they can also be enlightening if someone is open to it. Point out to your friend that even MORE depressing would be losing a child to addiction and knowing that she was the enabler. Then volunteer to attend meetings with your friend until she gains the strength to act responsibly.