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Dear Abby: What should I expect when dating a widow?

Dear Abby: My first wife and I married in 1989, divorced in 1994 and eventually married others. My second marriage also ended in divorce; hers ended with the death of her husband. A year and a half after his passing, she invited me to dinner. We talked for hours, and we both admitted there is still love between us.

We decided to start seeing each other, but she told me she needs to go slow, which I understand. We have been seeing each other for seven months now, but she has been running hot and cold. She gets close, then pulls back. I haven’t said anything about it because I’m trying to be understanding.

Last month, she really pulled back, and we haven’t seen each other since then. We text, but that’s all. Now I don’t know what to think. I’m sure last month was hard for her because it marked the anniversary of her husband’s death. This is also hard on me. I don’t know what to do. I would greatly appreciate any advice you may have.

— Hoping for the Best

Dear Hoping: Your ex-wife may still be grieving the loss of her husband and, although she has feelings for you, may not be ready to make the kind of commitment you’re looking for. You are overdue for a face-to-face conversation with her about the fact that when you feel you get close, she backs away.

A lot has happened to both of you since your long-ago divorce. There could be any number of reasons for her behavior, and you deserve some honest answers before deciding whether or not to continue pursuing her. If she’s honorable, she will give them to you.

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