Mert Preston, Sonoma County LGBTQ community leader, dies at 95

Mert Preston, according to those who knew him, possessed Olympic-sized compassion and intuition, which gave him the unique ability to make the world around him a kinder place.

The Santa Rosa resident, who co-founded Face to Face, the 38-year-old organization dedicated to ending HIV in Sonoma County, while supporting the health and well-being of people living with HIV/AIDS, died of natural causes July 7 while in hospice care in Santa Rosa. He was 95.

Friends remember him as a wise and gentle man who made significant noise within the LGBTQ community as a mentor and a leader — ensuring that people felt loved, supported and accepted.

It was a quality of his, his loved ones said they won’t soon forget.

“He was a listener – he made it a point to ask good questions that made people feel accepted and loved,” said Andrea Learned, who had been friends with Preston for more than 30 years, 13 of which she served as executive director of Face to Face.

In the 1980s, Preston, at the age of 50 and a father of 4, came out as a gay man.

He owned and operated several auto parts stores in and around Sonoma County prior to coming out. But once he came out that’s when he found his true calling, his family said, adding that he began dedicating his life to issues that mattered to him.

In 1983, he co-founded Face to Face, an organization dedicated to supporting and providing resources to people with HIV/AIDS in Sonoma County. Years later he served as a charter board member of the Sonoma County AIDS Foundation, which raises funds for medical care and emotional support for those with HIV/AIDS.

Face to Face began with a group of LGBTQ advocates who drove around to people who needed all sorts of help during the AIDS/HIV epidemic in the 80s.

“He took beautiful care of people. He drove them to doctor’s appointments, opened up his home whenever someone needed shelter, and kept his phone line open for people that needed someone to listen.” Learned said.

For decades, Learned said, Preston had a hotline set up in his home, which he used to take calls from those in need.

“He struggled with understanding what it meant to be a gay man. For a while, he tried to figure out what that meant for him. That’s why he dedicated his life to making sure others felt accepted and loved.” Learned said. “He understood the wildness, richness and how sometimes confusing and painful the life of a gay person truly was.”

Aside from his desire to support the LGBTQ community, Preston was deeply “in tune with human nature,” Learned said, and dedicated his energy to several Sonoma County organizations set to relieve suffering.

In 1979, he co-founded Sonoma County Men's Support Network (M.E.N.) an anti-domestic violence group. It still exists today.

“He was this renaissance-type person,” Erskine Duff, a friend of 40 years, said. “He did something about HIV/AIDS, but he also wanted to do something about domestic violence. At the time, no one wanted to talk about these things. But Mert did — he was innovative.”

Preston lived in Santa Rosa for the last 30 years of his life, his family said.

He loved hiking. He was deeply interested in the world of business. Preston also enjoyed fishing with his family at Silver Lake in California, every summer.

“I’m going to miss how thoughtful and intentional my dad was with everything he did,” Tim, his second oldest son, said. “I’ll miss our fishing trips together, too.”

He is survived by his four children, Albert, Tim, Clarice, and Laurie, five grandchildren and three great-grandchildren. Mert was preceded in death by his wife, Ann, and his sister, Clarice Durnerin.

“He had wonderful insight and wisdom about human nature,” Learned said. “He had this quiet ability to persuade, reinforce and inspire people. It’s very painful to imagine a world without him.”

You can reach Staff Writer Mya Constantino at mya.constantino@pressdemocrat.com or 707-521-5220. On Twitter @searchingformya.