Dear Abby: Mom wonders when to tell son he came from an egg donor

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Dear Abby: My husband and I very much wanted a child and used an egg donor to become parents. We are eternally grateful to the semi-anonymous donor and love our 11-year-old son more than anything. We have told him that I needed help to become pregnant.

Now, I’m wrestling with how much to tell him and when.

Truly I am grateful, yet with today’s inexpensive DNA tests, I worry that a stranger will knock on our door one day and want contact with him. He has a family who loves him. What do we do?

— Midwest Mom

Dear Mom: Secrets like the one you are tempted to keep have a way of taking on a life of their own. Your son will eventually need to know his biological mother’s and maternal grandparents’ medical information.

If he has been learning anything about biology in school, he should already be aware that birds, bees and babies come from fertilized eggs. Not knowing his level of emotional maturity, I can’t put a number on when he should be told. However, the longer you withhold the information, the greater the chances are that he will feel you weren’t truthful with him.

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