Dear Abby: Mom can’t be optimistic about son’s engagement

Dear Abby: My son is engaged to a young woman I'll call Carla. They are currently living with my husband and me to save money and pay off bills. They fight often. Because of this, my husband and I were not excited when they flippantly announced their engagement and also flippantly announced their wedding date recently.

Should I explain why we cannot get excited about it? I don't dislike Carla, and I would be truly OK if they could make each other happy most of the time. But because of their arguing and unresolved issues, I do not have confidence in their relationship.

I think they may ask us for money to help with wedding expenses, and unfortunately, I feel it would be throwing money away. I don't want to create hard feelings. Advice?

- Unenthused Mom in California

Dear Mom: If you are asked to chip in for the wedding expenses, consider making it conditional. Tell your son and Carla that you are deeply concerned because of the amount of fighting you see they do, and if they will agree to premarital counseling, you will be glad to help them.

Dear Abby: In my work, the department I'm responsible for has employees working in various locations throughout the U.S. I want to have an annual picnic at my home to show appreciation to my team. The problem is, I do not have the budget to pay for travel for employees who work in remote offices. Should I not invite these remote employees? Should I invite them but inform them that their travel won't be reimbursed, or just not have the picnic at all?

- Not Enough in Pennsylvania

Dear Not Enough:

Rather than invite workers from all over the country to a celebration, consider having a small gathering at your home for the locals. Send gift cards for the favorite restaurants of the employees in distant locations.