Dear Abby: I’m not attracted to my husband. I love him and don’t want to live without him, but I do not want to be physically intimate with him. I know it is unfair to him, and I have tried everything from antidepressants to meditation to diet, but nothing works.
I used to have a high libido, but I haven’t wanted to have sex with him in years. We do it maybe two or three times a month because I force myself to, but it is unpleasant for me. He doesn’t want to guilt me into sex and hates that I force myself, but he has a very high libido.
We are in our mid-20s and I know this is killing him — and us. I am attracted to some (but very few) others — just not to him. I have always been more emotionally attracted to women than men, but I don’t think that is it. I need help before our marriage starts to crumble.
— Avoiding it in South Carolina
Dear Avoiding It: I can’t wave a magic wand and make you more physically attracted to your husband. I can suggest that the most sensitive sexual organ in a woman’s body resides between her ears.
However, I am not qualified to diagnose whether your problem may be of a physical nature. That’s why I’m advising you to ask your doctor to perform a thorough physical examination. If he or she finds nothing amiss, ask the doctor — or your health insurance company — to refer you to a licensed mental health professional who can help you figure out what’s going on.