Dear Abby: Woman resentful of boyfriend excluding her from his plans
Dear Abby: I have been dating my boyfriend for two years. We have children from previous marriages. His are teenagers, and I have twin boys at home who are 6. Early on we discussed blending our families.
Although he has been eager to be a part of my life and my family, he has been less than enthusiastic about opening up his own life to me. He takes vacations with his children and leaves me out. He also travels alone to places we have discussed going to together. If I say anything, he accuses me of being selfish. But if I plan anything with my own children, he always expects to be included.
I’m getting fed up with it. I feel resentful living on the fringes of his world, while he expects to be at the center of mine. Am I selfish, or do I have a legitimate complaint?
— Off Balance in Virginia
Dear Off Balance: You and your boyfriend should both be spending some separate vacation time with your children, but not to the exclusion of each other. That he would take trips you had planned together without you seems peculiar, and I don’t think you are selfish to be bothered by it.
Although you have been seeing each other for two years, he does not appear to be ready to jump into the kind of relationship you are wishing for. You do have a legitimate complaint. Continue the discussion.