Dear Abby: I have been dating the most amazing man for the past 11 months. As we approach the one-year anniversary of the day we met, this “perfect” man is showing some not-so-perfect traits. I was unlucky in love for many years until he swept me off my feet. We have both become extremely close with each other’s respective friends and family.
He’s everything I have been searching for in a life partner and husband. But when he drinks, he confides his deep fears of dating me and enumerates each and every one of my relationship insecurities — nagging, anxiety, loneliness, etc. The next day he acts like nothing happened! He swears up and down that it was the alcohol talking and he doesn’t mean any of the harsh words he spoke the night before.
Should I believe him? Please don’t let me be the naive girl traveling down a dark rabbit hole.
— Self-Conscious Girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend: Your “amazing” man appears to be a loose-lipped lush. Not knowing him, I can’t guess the degree to which he blacks out when he’s been drinking. Some alcoholics don’t remember what happened the night before. Others simply don’t WANT to remember, so they claim amnesia.
Regardless of how you feel about him, for your own well-being, draw the line and tell him he needs to stop drinking. If he’s as alcohol-dependent as I suspect he is, he will give you an argument or an outright refusal. And that’s your cue to tell him if he wants a future with you, he will have to make a choice.