Dear Abby: Toothless lover spoils the mood
Dear Abby: I dated a man several years ago, and we just hooked up again. In the interim he had all of his teeth pulled. His dentures are ill-fitting, and he refuses to get them adjusted. As a result, he goes without any teeth, which I find a whole lot less than sexy. Our love life is suffering as a result.
He has tried to persuade me to kiss him without the teeth, or he sits around all evening and then runs and puts them in for a “bootie call.” But now he doesn’t even do THAT! He’ll wear the teeth to work and other places, but not with me. He expects me to get in the mood, even though he looks like Grandpa.
We had a spat about it, and he called me shallow. Am I? I take pride in my appearance FOR HIM. I think he just expects me to get over it and make out with him toothless, but I can’t! It’s not like we live together. We see each other once a week or less. Please tell the truth here.
— Making the Effort in Ohio
Dear Making: The truth is, your friend needs to see a dentist and get his false teeth adjusted or replaced. Out of consideration for you, he should wear them when he desires intimacy. That you don’t get turned on when he’s toothless isn’t shallow.
Dear Abby: I am a 53-year-old man who has had very few girlfriends, although there are some women who are interested and who I would certainly date. The problem is, for some reason, I don’t move forward, and I’m now worried that I’m so set in my ways I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.
Could the issue be that I haven’t met the right person? Other reasons could be my insecurity, lack of trust in women, and my fear that women won’t like my lifestyle (I have no ambition). Most people find a mate. Why not me?
— Mr. Alone
Dear Mr. Alone: The reason may be that, until now, you haven’t been willing to identify and work on the issues that have prevented you from finding one. A licensed mental health professional can help you overcome your insecurities and inability to trust, and understand what they stem from. Once you succeed at that, you may find you have more ambition than you currently think.