How the coronavirus has changed dating
MONTREAL - After the pair had sanitized the tops of their beer cans, Morgane Clément-Gagnon, 33, gazed at the lanky musician she had newly met online, sitting 2 feet away on a bench in a Montreal park. The two had initially greeted each other by touching the tips of their sneakers. But as laughter gave way to talk about their fears, her heart fluttered. She leaned in for a kiss.
Racked with fever and confined to her cramped two-bedroom apartment in Istanbul, Zeynap Boztas, 42, was feeling trapped, not only physically but psychologically: The husband she planned to kick out of the house and divorce after finding dating apps on his iPad two weeks ago was now lying next to her in bed.
In his apartment in Berlin, Michael Scaturro, 38, an American writer, was attending a “happy hour” with 15 single friends from Berlin, Madrid, London and New York. As Berlin’s famous Berghain nightclub flashed on their computer screens, the group sipped merlot, watched a London DJ and discussed the relative wisdom of finding a “corona boyfriend” or girlfriend to help get through the crisis.
These are glimpses of the radically altered lives of millions of people around the world who are navigating love, hate and the extensive terrain in between under the tyrannical rule of the coronavirus.
In a matter of weeks, the global epidemic has transformed relationships, dating and sex. Weddings have been postponed, while divorce rates have reportedly soared in China as the crisis has eased. Lovers and family members are suffering aching separations as borders have closed. Prosaic choices, like whether to send a child on a play date, or whether to meet a potential suitor, have become matters of life and death.
The internet has emerged as a lifeline to millions of single people stuck indoors, enabling them to go on virtual yoga dates, attend digital drag queen karaoke parties or blow out candles at WhatsApp birthday ?get-togethers.
Pets have become a source of solace in locked-down cities like London, Madrid and Paris. In France, walking a dog once a day is one of a handful of permissible reasons to go outside, along with seeking medical help or grocery shopping.
The crisis has spawned a new lexicon. Where once there were “blackout babies,” we can now expect a wave of “coronababies” and a new generation of “quaranteens” in 2033. Couples whose marriages are fraying under the pressures of self-isolation could be heading for a “covidivorce.”
A meme has been circulating on social media in recent days citing essential dating questions for 2020. “Can I see myself being quarantined with him? Does he come with toilet paper?”
On Valentine’s Day in Hong Kong, couples sent each other bouquets of masks and alcohol wipes, while flower sales in the city dropped 90%. In India, the news media have reported a surge in sales of condoms and other contraceptives.
In Wuhan, the original epicenter of the epidemic in China, Tian Fangfang, a young nurse, was photographed in her hazmat suit holding a handwritten request: “After the epidemic is over, I hope the government will assign me a boyfriend.” Later, in a video, she specified her preference that he be tall. CCTV, the national broadcaster, responded by circulating a compilation of eligible soldiers and police officers on its social media outlets.
Altered communities
Getting away with affairs has also become tougher. When a man from a small town in Santiago del Estero province in Argentina bragged to friends that he had a tryst with a former lover returning from Spain, they reported him to authorities. The entire town was put on lockdown March 14. The man later became the first confirmed coronavirus case in the province.
The pandemic is altering notions of community and urban spaces, with people across the world gathering every day on balconies to applaud medical workers, perform music and even run marathons.
Sean Safford, a professor of sociology at Sciences Po in Paris, who is locked down in the city with his husband and their 7-year-old son, said the coronavirus had upended the human instinct to come together physically during a crisis by requiring that people do the opposite.
“In previous crises like the terrorist attacks in France or 9/11 in the U.S., millions of people gathered in solidarity in squares or vigils as people have the desire to find community,” he said in a video call from Paris, speaking from inside a large walk-in closet he had transformed into a makeshift office, away from his family. “Now we are being told to turn inward and to self-isolate as the heroic way to be a good global citizen.”
With commutes to work for many people now consisting of traveling from bedroom to dining room table, Dr. Lucy Atcheson, a London-based psychologist, said that lockdowns were engendering a new togetherness for some while amplifying friction and conflict for others.
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