PD Editorial: Enlist in Space Force today

The Trump administration last week announced that it wants to create a sixth branch of the military - Space Force. Don't let this sci-fi drama distract from the real issues and scandals swirling around President Donald Trump. But also don't be afraid to laugh at this ridiculous idea.

To put the most generous spin on things, it's true that America has critical infrastructure in space that could someday need protecting. Modern warfare - as well as the economy and mobile phones - rely on GPS and communications satellites, not to mention the spy and weather satellites that inform strategic decisions.

But the military already has personnel responsible for protecting them. The Trump administration would spend billions and create fresh layers of bureaucracy and command hierarchy to replace a system that's working fine.

Space Force is needlessly provocative, too. Back in the 1960s, the United States and the Soviet Union negotiated an Outer Space Treaty. More than 100 countries are now signatories. Its goal was to prevent outer space from being militarized and to recognize “the common interest of all mankind in the progress of the exploration and use of outer space for peaceful purposes.”

The Trump administration would let Star Wars dreams undermine that vision of peace in space. It should tread carefully, though, lest it become the Sith in this space opera.

If the administration does create Space Force, we offer the following copy for their first recruitment video (with all due apologies and respect to “The Last Starfighter,” “Battlestar Galactica,” “Flash Gordon,” “Starship Trooper” and every other space adventure we've loved).

(The camera pans across a satellite view of the eastern seaboard at night. The sun rises above the horizon illuminating America. A lone starship emblazoned with an American flag flies into frame. Inspiring music plays quietly, growing gradually louder throughout the spot.)

Narrator: Greetings, spacer. You have been recruited by the Space Force to defend the frontier against foreign and extraterrestrial threats. Service guarantees citizenship.

(A squadron follows. They intercept and destroy missiles headed toward an American satellite.)

Imperious Leader Trump: My predecessor was elected at a time when the country was less capable of my benevolent tolerance. Now that we are omnipotent, we can afford to be more charitable. You will spread my message of goodwill to the stars and defend a beautiful wall around Earth. Service guarantees citizenship.

(Foreign starships rise from the Earth. A dogfight ensues. The camera jumps between closeups of young spacers piloting their ships.)

Narrator: We must meet space threats with our valor, our blood, our very lives to ensure that American civilization dominates this galaxy now and always. Young people from all over the country are joining up to do their part for the future. Are you?

(The camera zooms back out and flies past the moon, past Mars to an advancing alien armada.)

Narrator: We might not know the true nature of the universe, but we will not hide from it in terror; we shall fling ourselves into the void and face our destiny.

We have the ships. We have the weapons. We need the spacers. Join Space Force today!

Remember, service guarantees citizenship.

(Fade to black.)

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