Lowell Cohn: Bad boy Draymond Green's whatsis part of larger problem for Warriors
This column is about Draymond Green’s whatsis. “Whatsis” is a euphemism for his whosits.
As you probably know, the Warriors’ shining beacon of morality and decorum, the self-anointed team leader, recently got in trouble for sending out a photo of his whatsis on the internet. Always a questionable move.
So you won’t think this is a whatsis-only column, here’s important background information leading up to the whatsis caper and putting it in context, an essential strategy in any sports story on a serious topic. Call this Draymond’s Greatest Hits So Far in 2016.
In February he got ticked off at Steve Kerr during halftime, and went bonkers in the locker room. He screamed at Kerr in front of the team, calling him several unpleasant names no family newspaper is allowed to print. Green later apologized.
“That wasn’t the right way to handle what needed to be handled,” the apparently contrite Green said.
Draymond Green is a world-class apologizer. He even sounds sincere.
In the playoffs against the Thunder, he kicked Steven Adams in his whatsis. With Green there is a continuing whatsis theme. What’s up with that? Adams sank to his knees like a man who’d been kicked you know where. The league slapped Green with a flagrant foul 2. Green said he didn’t mean to kick Adams down under.
In the Finals against Cleveland, Green took a swipe at LeBron James’ whatsis — there’s that darned whatsis theme again — and ended up getting banned for a game. You know what happened to the Warriors after that.
When the season ended, he got into a disagreement with a college student at a bar and allegedly smacked him in the puss. He later copped a plea bargain.
“It’s definitely a lesson learned,” he said later. He didn’t say what lesson.
And then there’s the latest. Recently, a photo of a whatsis, presumably belonging to the intrepid Green, appeared publicly on his Snapchat account.
It was later deleted. At first, Green said he got hacked. Nice try, Draymond.
Then he came clean. Said he meant to send out the photo privately.
“I kinda hit the wrong button and it sucks,” he wrote. “We’re all one click away from placing something in the wrong place, and I suffered from that this morning.”
I’ll skip over the implications of placing something in the wrong place — good God. But let’s get this straight. According to Green, this was purely and exclusively a button issue. He wanted to send someone a highly personal photo and hit the wrong button. That was his mistake, hitting the wrong button.
Buttons can be so contrary.
I won’t get into the weirdness of hitting the wrong button. Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychiatry, would have lots to say about Green’s deep-down intentions when he hit the wrong button. Put that aside, if you can.
In spite of what Green said, I don’t consider this a button issue. No way. I consider this a whatsis issue. Who in his right mind sends out photos of that publicly or privately? Well, New York politician Anthony Weiner did and it ruined his career. You can learn all about Weiner in the movie “Weiner,” a double entendre if there ever was one. Does Green suffer from advanced Weineritis?