Barber: Jon Gruden's plot to destroy the Raiders

I don't really believe in conspiracy theories. My windows are covered with black tape because I'm sensitive to sunlight, and I wear a tinfoil hat because I happen to find it attractive. I didn't even notice that I began writing this column at 10:18 on 10/18/2018.

But it can no longer be denied. THE FACTS ARE RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES, SHEEPLE. Jon Gruden is intentionally destroying the Raiders.

Hear me out.

Start with the motive. Gruden was a Bay Area rock star during his first stint in Oakland. But Al Davis, resenting the coach's celebrity and blaming him for the “Tuck Rule Game” loss, traded Gruden to Tampa Bay in February 2002. It was disruptive and humiliating.

You would think that pummeling the Raiders in Super Bowl 37 would have been enough to ease Gruden's resentment. Apparently, he has nurtured a grudge for years, through his stints with the Buccaneers and ESPN. He bided his time and waited for an opportunity, as conspirators do. And then he found his mark. I mean, his Mark. It was Mark Davis, the unwitting dupe in this twisted tale.

Gruden rejected multiple overtures from Mark Davis after Al died in 2011, but it was all part of the long game. Finally, last holiday season, Davis bumped his offer to a preposterous $100 million over 10 years. The fish was on the line. Gruden reeled him in.

He set the mechanism into motion slowly, though. Gruden couldn't just cut all of his best players on Day 1. It would be too suspicious and, anyway, the villain gets way more satisfaction from slowly drawing out his victim's pain. So Gruden smiled and high-fived Raiders fans. He kept up appearances.

But all along, Gruden was plotting. He knew Derwin James, the safety from Florida State, would have way too much of an impact, so he drafted Kolton Miller, a serviceable tackle from UCLA, in the first round and soon pushed him into a starting role.

Meanwhile, Gruden set about aging the Oakland roster like a time-lapse film of a withering flower. His first-year acquisitions have included 35-year-old linebacker Derrick Johnson, 35-year-old defensive tackle Frostee Rucker, 33-year-old wide receiver Jordy Nelson, 33-year-old cornerback Leon Hall, 32-year-old cornerback Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie and 32-year-old defensive tackle Ahtyba Rubin. Gruden is no fool. He knew these veterans of the leather-helmet days would move slowly and be more prone to injury.

Gruden made other suspicious moves. He cut one of the strongest punters in the NFL, Marquette King, and replaced him with a rookie. (Surprise! The rookie isn't doing very well so far.) He traded a third-round draft pick for wide receiver Martavis Bryant, a career-long malcontent who would seem to be the antithesis of the famed “Gruden Grinder.”

All of it was unsettling, but Raiders fans gave Gruden the benefit of the doubt. This was Chucky, after all, the coach they had wanted back since 2002. He must have a master plan.

Well, he did. And that plan was revealed on Sept. 1 when the Raiders traded their best player, Khalil Mack, to the Chicago Bears. That was the day Gruden removed his mask. If you weren't guzzling the Kool-Aid, this was the moment you knew the head coach was intentionally blowing up his team. Gruden even built some symbolism into the transaction, as villains do. He got a pair of first-round picks from Chicago, just as Al Davis had received from the Buccaneers back in '02.

Gruden wasn't done. He had gutted the Raiders defense, but there was a lot of talent on offense. He had to find a way to undermine that side of the ball, too. So he went about crushing Derek Carr's soul.

Through the media, Gruden began telling Carr he was being too reckless one week, and too conservative the next. And as the gears spun wildly in Carr's head, Gruden made sure his offensive line lacked depth. Miller played the past two games despite a knee injury, and surrendered six sacks. Now Carr is a mess, running for his life half the time and looking jittery even when he does have protection.

Gruden has cemented the plan through his own play-calling. He has the greatest short-yardage back in the league in Marshawn Lynch. So fourth-and-1? Throw a swing pass to the fullback. First-and-goal from the 1? Throw it there, too. Gruden is a diabolical genius.

And so the scheme proceeds apace. Three competitive losses and a narrow win have been followed by two blowout failures, the worst coming last Sunday when the Seahawks drubbed the Raiders in London. Oakland is 1-5 and rated as the worst team in the NFL in most so-called power rankings. Somewhere, Jon Gruden pops a Budweiser and cackles.

The final phase of the tear-down is now in high gear: Fracture the Oakland locker room. It started with the Mack trade, but it didn't end there. The Raiders have apportioned playing time in strange ways, and the players are beginning to react. Monday, cornerback Rashaan Melvin tweeted, “Frustrated and upset. I'm tired of it!” followed by two emoji faces blowing steam out of their invisible nostrils. Seven hours later, Melvin tweeted again: “I'm done trying to change my style. It's not me. Back to what I know and what got me here!!”

Gruden fired right back at a press conference the next day. Asked about Melvin, he said, “I heard there was a Twitter report out there. Melvin is on his seventh team, I think. He's had different techniques. Maybe he's confused, I don't know. I'll talk to him. But he has to play better.”

The other guy who began the season as a starting cornerback, second-year man Gareon Conley, has issues, too. Tuesday, someone on Twitter pointedly noted that Gruden called Conley “a young guy that we want to see more of,” though the Raiders had benched him. Conley “liked” the tweet.

So yes, it's all starting to fray in Alameda. Just as Gruden dreamed in his lair. He's one of the few football coaches with a lair.

If this story were a movie, the camera would now focus on Mark Davis as he drops his fork and slowly looks up from his Kung Pao shrimp with a faraway stare. Then a montage of greatest misses: Khalil Mack in a Bears uniform, sacking a QB … Carr throwing an interception at the goal line … the Black Hole, slumped and dejected. Then we'd cut to Gruden, leaving Raiders headquarters. He's limping. His brow is furrowed. But as Gruden makes his way down the sidewalk, the limp disappears and a smile curls his lips. He takes off his Raiders visor and replaces it with a Fired Football Coaches Association cap.

The final shot would be Davis again, the camera drawing ever closer to the team owner's eyes as he realizes he still owes his coach more than $92 million.

Yes, Mark, it was Jon Gruden all along.

You can reach columnist Phil Barber at 707-521-5263 or phil.barber@pressdemocrat.com. Follow him on Twitter: @Skinny_Post.