ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS...HOW TO MAKE KIDS' WISH LISTS MEET REALITY -- WITHOUT LOSING THE MAGIC

Dear Santa,

I've been good. Please bring me a Toss-Across, a Game Boy, Super Mario Land

for Game Boy, Legos, Stretch Armstrong, the Legend Lion's Kingdom, Secret Talk

Betsy, a Play-Doh Fun Factory, Barbie Western Stampin' Horse Set, a Harley

Thunder Rider motorcycle, a Power Rangers bike and a little red wagon.

Your friend, Suzy

A look at your child's Christmas wish list may inspire you to lectures

about materialism and budgeting. When is the kid going to come down with a

spirit of giving, anyway?

Probably in about 12 years.

But for now, she's expecting presents from a jolly old elf named Santa

Claus for whom money is no object and whose arrival is being proclaimed by

parents, peers, and virtually everyone on TV.

Suddenly, you can't take her into a store or let her thumb through

advertising circulars without setting off an attack of the ''gimmes.''

Skip the lectures and roll with it, advises Barbara Mendenhall, a family

counselor and executive director of Family Education Centers, which puts on

parent-training workshops and support groups.

''One thing that has worked well for some parents, including me, is 'OK,

let's write that down.' It's the process of acknowledging their wanting it.

It's not about acquiring -- it's about getting to know their interests.''

Parents need to help children have realistic expectations, Mendenhall said.

''If the family isn't wanting or able to get heavily into gift-giving, it's

important for the children not to have false hopes.''

Impoverished parents are often more distressed than their children at their

inability to provide a bountiful Christmas, said Paula Viale, a family

counselor with Santa Rosa Institute, which provides low-cost counseling

services.

Young children don't have the capacity to understand a complete absence of

gifts, she said, but even an inexpensive gift can be special.

Mendenhall recommends shifting the holiday focus away from a gift exchange

to activities that promote such values as togetherness. She suggests involving

children in family projects that don't occur at any other time of the year:

making Christmas cookies, Advent calendars, popcorn garlands, or singing

holiday music.

''Whether I work with kids whose parents have a lot of financial resources

or none, when I ask what they would change in their family, nine times out of

10, they say more time with Mom or Dad. I don't think parents realize the

value kids place on that,'' said Viale. ''When they know they're loved, kids

can undergo a lot of deprivation.''

If all else fails, both counselors agreed, a little disappointment is

inevitable and won't permanently damage a child who otherwise feels loved.

''If they feel well-loved, they're very resilient,'' said Mendenhall.