Tragic end to the troubled lives of two Petaluma brothers

It was outside CVS on East Washington Street in Petaluma where Gordon Stinson last saw his youngest son.

Fifth-generation Petaluman Matthew Stinson, 23, had been homeless for about two years in the city where he grew up and where he still had family and friends. He was by many accounts a sweet, smart kid with an affinity for cooking and a stubborn independent streak. He was plagued by a combination of health problems and substance abuse that recently had made it difficult for him to keep jobs. He had alienated many who loved him.

“He said he was hungry,” said Gordon Stinson, who had pulled into the CVS parking lot and given his son the cash he had - $6. “He looked exhausted.”

That was Monday, the day before Matthew was found dead behind a strip of businesses about a block away. Police said he had died on a cardboard bed with a backpack, insulin for his diabetes, methamphetamine and little else. A report on his cause of death is pending.

He was the second Stinson boy to lose his life on the Petaluma streets. In 2013, his older brother, Bram Stinson, hanged himself from the D Street bridge. He was also 23.

Family members and several friends said the brothers never recovered after the sudden death of their mother, Yvonne Stinson. She took her own life in 2004 when they were 10 and 13 years old. Then, many said, Bram Stinson’s death sent his brother into a yearslong depression and his drug use spiraled out of control.

“It has just broken my heart, his struggles,” said his grandmother, Kathryn Stinson of Petaluma, about Matthew. “We have been grieving for him for years.”

The plain facts of his death belie the close ties Matthew Stinson had to many people in Petaluma. He and his brother attended school at Kenilworth Junior High, Casa Grande High and San Antonio Continuation schools. They were among a group of friends who spent many hours of their teen years at the Phoenix Theater downtown on Washington Street.

“This is not an instance where he was out in the cold without people trying to help,” said Tom Gaffey, general manager of the Phoenix, which has for generations been a refuge for the unorthodox and the troubled. “Matt was a beautiful soul and a gentle kid, and so loved.”

Dubbed “the keyboard kid,” Matthew wrote music, mostly electronic songs. He once baked a loaf of bread designed to look like a “Legend of Zelda” sword and shield that landed his picture on a popular video game website.

Jonny Zelada, 27, of Petaluma said he first befriended Bram and then Matthew, blond-haired, blue-eyed brothers who got along and clashed as siblings do. They spent days together downtown, meeting other misfits and getting free sandwiches from kind souls at St. Vincent de Paul on Liberty Street.

They were the kind of kids who didn’t feel they fit into mainstream school culture so they created their own tribe. Some liked punk music and wore leather jackets, others liked riding freight rail cars and driving cars too fast. They hung out downtown and tried to score cigarettes and alcohol. They were troubled yet loyal to one another.

“Pretty much anyone, we’d take them in,” Zelada said. “A lot of people grew out of it. The ones who didn’t grow out of it are still in the same rut.”

Matthew Stinson was known for being smart and clear-headed, he added, but his brother’s death changed the course of his life.

“We can only relate to one iota of sadness he’s experienced these past few years,” Zelada said.

Family life was at times hard for the Stinsons. Their parents split in 2002 and the boys lived with their mother without much contact with their father. After Yvonne Stinson’s death, they moved back in with their dad.

Gordon Stinson said his family - his sons - didn’t find the help they needed after Yvonne’s death. He needed help being a parent and the boys needed help with their grief.

Bram left home around age 15 and Matthew ended up in a group home after some truancy problems. Neither boy spoke to their father for years. Matthew found refuge with family friends, who officially took him in as a foster child.

His foster mother, Julie Rehberg, 56, of Petaluma said she was struck by Matthew’s intelligence and good heart. That was evident from early on, including a day when he was testing the rules and threatening to move out.

“He went to his room, then came back and apologized. It had to have been a lot for him to do that,” said Rehberg, who said he lived with her from about age 14 until he turned 18. “He was a good person, and for years we had fun together as a family.”

After he moved at 18, he worked at various Petaluma restaurants. The jobs were short-lived. Gordon Stinson said he believes his son had trouble managing his diabetes. He was hospitalized almost monthly, including a few stints lasting several weeks or more.

He and his son had reconnected in recent years. He hired him for odd jobs and found him an apartment, paid his rent for a while.

“We had a relationship. It was a blessing and a prayer answered,” Gordon Stinson said.

Matthew often rebuffed offers for advice and help. His father said he declined an opportunity to stay at a sober house. Police said he seemed to keep to himself on downtown streets or in parks.

A friend from school, Lauryn Gamble, 24, of Santa Rosa said she was among those who tried reaching out to Matthew in recent months. Gamble said she ran into him about three months ago and gave him a big hug. She was struck by an unfamiliar ambivalence and said she could tell his personality was dulled with depression and probably drugs.

“The world is a worse place for not having them in it,” Gamble said of the brothers.

“As much crazy stuff that happened, bad choices, they were incredible people. It’s so weird that both of them are gone, so soon.”

Gaffey said he’s been fielding calls and emails from many of Matthew’s friends who spent time at the Phoenix.

“There are a lot of people feeling guilty right now, but those very same people tried to help him at some point,” Gaffey said. “I tell them, ‘Remember the love part but try not to let the guilt set in.’?”