How to muzzle a drunken best man and other Wine Country wedding tips

Learn these dos and don'ts of wedding toasting.|

PEG MELNIK

THE PRESS DEMOCRAT

July 15, 2016

Toasts for the tongue-tied

- “Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle and a friend. The first beautiful, the second full, the last ever faithful.”

- George Sand: “There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.”

- “Love is friendship set to music. And in the words of John Lennon and Paul McCartney, ‘Love is all you need.' May your love never stop, may your song never end.”

- Omar Khayyam: “Here with a Loaf of Bread beneath the Bough, A Flask of Wine, a Book of Verse - and Thou. Beside me singing in the Wilderness - And Wilderness is Paradise now.”

- “The great Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said, ‘To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.' And by sharing this wedding with us, you make us all stronger and more courageous.”

- “To (bride's name) and (groom's name), may your marriage be long and happy!” Simple is always fine.

Source: Paul Wagner, Balzac Communications

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Peg Melnik's wine blog: Tasting Room

How do you cut off the ramblings of a drunken best man?

Any way you can, just as long as you do it quickly, says etiquette expert Paul Wagner.

Yes, it's wedding season, a time when brides and grooms are forced to hear the good wishes of their loved ones, whether they want to or not. And Wagner, founder of Balzac Communications, knows a thing or two about politely reining in a toast gone wild. For more than a decade he has included the topic in “A Cultural Appreciation of Wine,” the course he teaches at Napa Valley College.

One of his most memorable toasts was delivered by that very drunk best man.

“It went on for 15 minutes, included all sorts of references to events and off-color jokes the rest of us didn't understand, and ended up with the groom pulling the best man back into his seat and taking over the ceremonies to prevent further damage,” Wagner said.

Learning the dos and don'ts of toasting will help you with damage control, but it also may help you prevent disasters by setting up the right protocol beforehand.

Who should give toasts?

In formal weddings, the father of the bride makes the toast to welcome the guests because he's the host, Wagner said, but in more modern weddings, that's typically the best man's job. He sometimes is followed up by the maid of honor, and then perhaps the groom.

Other weddings have an open mic policy, which can lead to all sorts of problems.

“It's best to leave the toasts to a couple of people who have prepared their remarks and have the permission of the wedding couple to speak,” Wagner said.

As for the duration of the toasts, he prefers short and sweet, three to five minutes at most. “As all performers will tell you, it's better to leave the audience wishing for more than it is to go beyond your welcome. If your remarks need a second page, find an editor.”

By all means, don't be afraid to cut off a long-winded toast.

“If the whole toasting session goes on for more than 15 minutes, you will lose the audience, and they will have to run out of toasting wine,” Wagner said. “Unless one of the guests is Wilson Picket. Then he gets to sing as many songs as he would like.”

As for crafting a toast, Wagner said, there are two things to keep in mind.

“The first rule is to ask the bride and groom if they'd prefer an inspirational toast or a humorous one. The second rule is that most people are not professional comedians. So when in doubt, be sincere and heartfelt, and leave the comedy to the pros.”

Once you decide whether you'll play it straight or be a comic, you'll want to weave in a story.

“It's sometimes nice to include a story that underscores the foundation of the marriage, how they support the same sports team or have a key opinion in common,” Wagner said. “Sometimes a short story about how the couple met, particularly if the best man played a role in that meeting.”

While some toasts are definitely not PG, keeping the risqué factor in check also is important.

“It's a wedding, not a roast,” he said. “It's an opportunity for the whole community to show their love and support for the newlyweds. Leave the risqué humor for later conversations where the bride's sweet grandmother will not be in attendance.”

There's also a protocol for wine lovers. The caterer pours a tasting glass for everyone and tells the crowd this particular glass is for the toast. Hopefully that will keep them from polishing it off too quickly.

As for what's in the glass, it depends.

“If the plan is to have this same wine with the wedding cake, please don't serve a dry sparkling wine like champagne,” Wagner said. “Nothing is worse than a dry wine with a very sweet cake.”

Wagner fancies prosecco or Asti Spumante because they're sweet and fruity and pair well with wedding cake. If cake isn't in the picture, a dry bubbly will work beautifully.

“I like the idea of serving a wine that has some kind of meaning to the newlyweds, like the wine they drank when they first met or from the winery they love to visit,” he said. “Of course if budget is a concern, then simply work with the caterer to find a wine you like within your budget.”

The toast has long been an important tradition, Wagner said, and here's why:

“The wedding ceremony is the ritual of the couple uniting and speaking of their love of community. The toast is an opportunity for the community to speak back, to tell the couple how much they are loved and supported.”